Is God Only Where We Choose To Find Him?

Is God only where we choose to find Him? Is he only in those brief moments of enlightenment when we finally choose to let go and trust Him? Yes, He is in those moments, and He is powerful in them. But He is mostly in those moments when we have no idea what is going on, and our world seems to be caving in on us. We may not even remember what His face looks like in those moments,  or how to begin the long journey home. The grace that He extends to us in those moments may not be immediately noticed, but it is there, if simply by the simple fact that, like a planet in orbit, no matter how far away we seem to be getting off track, we are always guaranteed to be drawn back to our source. That is our grace, and our promise. Those without that promise are certain to become lost in the helplessness of their own orbit, and I seem to be seeing more and more of this happen to those around me.

I don't know if I can do it justice, but I wanted to document this special little moment in time, so that I can always look back and remember what it feels like to have God literally hold my hand, and even carry me through a situation that seemed very uncertain and unsettling to a lady who likes to be in control of everything, and know what is going on at all times.

Michael and I are living a dream. What dream, you ask? The one that has been taunting us, seeming to never arrive: the end of residency. Now that we are a mere 3 months away from this blessed event that has been 7 years in the making, I can say that we are finally excited. For the past couple of months until just recently, (I can't speak for Michael), I was too overwhelmed with all the uncertainties of how we were going to transition into our new lives to even take time to be excited.

I think we all know that when one big event happens in life, usually it trigger many other events, creating a whole new landscape for your life, whether you were prepared for it or not.  This has happened many times to me, yet I never quite react the way that I am supposed to. I don't automatically have holy thoughts when I am beaten down by life, but I am learning to give my worries up to God a whole lot sooner than later in these situations, and surprisingly enough I am given the grace I need to overcome my anxieties.

In recent months, we had begun the search for a house. We searched, and found nothing. Nada. We couldn't find a house that fit our needs or was in an area that we liked.

So recently we have begun the process of getting things ready to build a house. We are excited, but realize that this process comes with its own set of headaches.

We learned that due to a set of events I won't detail here, the construction on our home may not begin as soon as we initially had hoped.

We learned that we are pregnant with our 3rd child!

We scheduled a Mediterranean cruise, then had to cancel it and book a straightforward European land-excursion only because SURPRISE! You can't cruise when you are past a certain point in your pregnancy.

We had a $3000 plumbing emergency occur at our home. It was one of those where they dig up your whole back yard. Hurray!

So yes, lots of big things all happened around the same time, and for awhile I was letting it get to me, and wallowing in the bittersweet joy of complaining. I lashed out in pretty un-Christian ways and wasn't letting God do any sort of actual transformational work in my life. Because who out there just LOVES to let God mold and shape you? Not me! It hurts! But I am thankful that God gave me a husband who is OK with telling me to get over myself and focus on all the blessings that I have been given. And I have some amazing friends who are working toward common goals of surrendering their lives to God, painful piece by painful piece, and I am thankful for their conversation and support.

So I can't help but smile when I see that unexpected $3000 pluming emergency, because weeks later we received a $3000 tax refund that covered the cost.

I can't tell you exactly how this transition to the next stage of our lives will happen, and I'm choosing not to worry about it; instead I am basking in the beauty of today.


Matthew 6:25-34

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.