It's 11 PM on Good Friday. So far, I feel I have failed at Holy Week 2015.
Due to my husband's work schedule and the fact that I have 3 small children that I can't wrangle solo in church yet, I haven't and won't be attending any Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, or Easter Vigil services. I will be lucky to be able to get my munchkins rounded up in time to meet my lovely mother in law for an early Easter Mass on Sunday. I was feeling sad about this for a bit, because as a new Catholic (Just celebrated my 2 year anniversary on March 30! ) I find great meaning in the fact that the Catholic Church doesn't just "skip" to Easter. In fact, the Universal Church has been in a penitential season for the last (almost) 40 days. Sing with me..."Forty Days and Forty Nights....." Sorry, I couldn't resist :) Anyway, I find that the joy of Easter is re-enforced so strongly by the time that we spend during Lent fasting, abstaining, creating Holy habits, or even simply examining our consciences. Without this desert, there would be no oasis. Yet again, I'm taking these words very literally, and comparing the goings-on of my own life to the Liturgical Calendar, as if to find clarity. Good Friday. Not really a "good' day for Jesus, by any means, but such a breathtakingly beautiful day for we who believe. Today we solemnly remember the horror He endured for us.
Now I'm going to move this in a different direction.
We have had our house on the market for 11 days now. We have had 9 showing requests. I have cleaned, REALLY CLEANED my house 8 times in the last 11 days. All the while, my children are in the house with me... How does that work, one might ask? It doesn't. All I can say is that after our 2nd showing, we came home and to our surprise, found that one of our precious angels had gone #2 and failed to flush it....right before we rushed out the door to let the potential home-buyers search every nook and cranny of our home. You know they saw it....
Michael is about to finish working Week 1 of his 3 week stretch. This particular booger of a schedule only comes about every 3 months, and it always seem to coincide with something crazy going on in our life, and because he is essentially MIA, I am left to abide in, and therefore attempt to get a handle said craziness on my own. For example, Martin was a week old during one of his dad's "3 Weekers". I was running a toddler and newborn circus on my own for 3 weeks. But guess what? We made it. I do think God uses these times to bring out the worst in me, and try to teach me how to react in a more grace-filled manner. He tries. I put up a good fight. I am in such need of His grace.
I'm exhausted. As this tiring week comes to a close, and the weekend seems to hold even less rest than the week preceding it, I think about the two Family Easters I have to get the kids to by myself, I think about the real estate showings I have to keep the house clean for and the church services I need to make it on time to, I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep, and/or cry. As I begin this long journey to Sunday until I see my husband again my family is together again, I offer up my insignificant inconveniences in unity with the sufferings of Our Lord. Day by Day. That may sound ridiculous, but those sufferings are all that I have to offer. I'm not very exciting. I live an average life and have average experiences. While I am biased and feel that I'm the MOST blessed wife and mom on the planet, and that EVERYTHING that happens to and in my family is the coolest and most awesome, it's not. Many days I just want to bang my head against the wall and fast forward a few hours to bed time so I can have some quiet time before falling into bed.
And yet, Christ wants me and my reality. Not the reality that we create for ourselves (Facebook, Instagram, anyone??) The mundane is my reality, and He wants it. What a precious gift that He finds joy in what we find so dreary. I will gladly give Him my ashes in exchange for something beautiful.
Sometimes I put the puzzle pieces together. Sometimes, I am allowed the grace to even realize that every time I refrain from complaining about my uncomfortable situation and pray for God to be present in my situation instead, that something is being made new in my spirit. I'm not saying I do this every time, and I'm not saying I won't be tempted to complain many more times before the weekend is up, but I'm giving it a shot.
Tavi
