Advent is a beautiful season of preparation; the anticipation is what helps build our excitement for the big event. While Advent is a season in which the Church prepares for the celebration of the birth of our Savior, I also am finding myself, fittingly, in a season of preparation for my next big step. I love that God indulges my poetic nature in order to allow me to see His presence in every step I take.
I, like many parents, went out and bought an Elf this year. For my shelf. It sat there for 2 days, un-named, while I wrestled with a very unexpected case of guilt caused by buying the little pointy-hatted guy.
Don't get me wrong, there is nothing inherently bad about Mr. Elf, but here's the thing. My husband and I are in this "Advent" season of our lives. We are making decisions, big and small that will affect for better or worse the rest of our lives, as we soon will be making some big changes.This is the first year that our kids are old enough to care about Christmas and, frankly, the first Christmas that we have had enough energy to think about starting our own traditions. What I have begun to realize is that this world is already so, so busy and full of distractions. It is challenging enough to live out your faith in this world that pulls us to and fro, without detracting from the simple, yet profound story of a baby born to a virgin in a stable. I don't care if my kids grow up hearing about elves and Santa Clause, after all, they do live on Planet Earth. I have, however, decided, that they won't be hearing about these things from me. I want to pass on to them the gift of the pure, unadulterated truth of the Gospel, and I have decided that I can do that more concisely without the help of Mr. Elf. I'm not slamming those of you who have an Elf hiding in your cookie jar, or under the bed. Not. At. All. If you can orchestrate elaborate elfish-ness on top of teaching the real story of Christmas, then you are a rock star, and better at this parenting thing than I am.
One of my favorite memories of this season so far is of my sweet, almost 3 year old boy praying for a homeless man that we passed on the street. He called him "orange man" in his prayer, because the man was wearing an orange hat, and he prayed that he would find a home. Granted, he did have some guidance to start the prayer, but I know his tender little heart is learning to care for others and notice those people that most others don't. I don't know of a greater gift a mommy could ask for.
I have been so blessed to be able to spend cherished time with many wonderful friends in the past few weeks, and I have been filled with joy and a true sense of wonder at the power of friendship. Truly another gift that I am very grateful for.
On top of that, I have weaned my baby from his pacifier. It was a painful experience for all involved, but the bulk of the trauma has dissipated. It was time, but of course, for me it was the last link to his babyhood. Now I officially have 2 amazing toddlers, the best gift I have been given so far.
So as we prepare for Christmas (It's in 7 days, folks!) let's bask in the glory of God's love by spending time with those we care about and take time to be aware of the multiple opportunities that God gives us everyday to draw us closer to him.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Swimming In The Deep End
We all know that it's trendy right now to call people out on the internet. It's a no-strings-attached sort of way to seem really intelligent by presenting only your side of an issue, all the while slandering someone else's. What human being wouldn't LOVE that? It's an easy way to get a spotlight and several hundred "likes" on your Facebook page if you write a good enough "Open Letter To So- and So".
Hrm.
This process deeply disturbs me, and I hope it does you too.
Let's investigate.
I get the impression when I read these "Open Letters" that circulate the internet every so often, that the author really thinks that his or her opinion has never been thought of before, and now that they have brought their thoughts into the open, a new chapter of world enlightenment can begin. The real problem, is that this is just the same song, different verse. Many of these "Open Letters" and video clips are created, not with the purpose that the author claims, but with the purpose of glorifying the author him/herself. That's why I hate them.
In the "Open Letter to Miley Cyrus": The Author is telling Miley Cyrus to put on more clothes. Why would the author feel the need to do this publicly, when she KNOWS that Miley will never actually read said letter? It sure is nice to get 10,000 pats on the back via social media, though, while bringing attention to one's own high morals.
We all remember that rap telling us "Why I Hate Religion, but Love Jesus. I can't count the number of my friends who jumped on that bandwagon. I get the point the dude was trying to make, but I can't help but wonder if the majority of the people that "liked" it on Facebook actually listened the lyrics. He starts off by telling us that Jesus came to abolish religion. I'm not sure I ever read that one in the Bible, did you? If you dislike the word "religion" for its negative connotations, and prefer to think of Jesus starting a "movement", that's fine. But it's the same thing. And He started a really big one that's still going strong. So if He came to abolish religion, I would say that He didn't quite accomplish that.
The author takes that and runs, preying on all the hurt and pain that everyone has ever received from their church at some point in their life, getting everyone to proclaim that "We HATE religion, but LOVE Jesus!" If you look at a quote that the author made about his rap, you will see that he said that he it was
"A poem I wrote to highlight the difference between Jesus and false religion." -Jefferson Bethke
False Religion, huh?
Wait, you didn't say "False Religion" in that rap that got 27 million hits on YouTube!! You just said "Religion".
Sneaky.
So the author aknowledges there IS a true, Christ inspired religion, but if he were to include that in his song, well, there wouldn't be as big of a bandwagon to jump on anymore right?
What it sounds like he is doing is encouraging people to renounce all forms of organized religion and just "Love Jesus". Even if that isn't what the author meant, that is what the majority of people were interpreting the lyrics to mean, and he knew that when he wrote it.
Let me ask you: Would you teach this concept to your children? Of course not! Because we know as their parents that they need the structure of an organized and purposeful environment that is provided at church to help them learn their faith. And that's not just a kid thing; that's a human thing. That's how we learn, and God knew that. That is why he gave us The Church, because he knew that just walking around loving Jesus wasn't going to do jack for the reformation of the human soul and for society.
And my personal favorite are these letters from John Doe to Joyce Meyer and Joel Osteen calling them out on their false teachings. I'm not saying I disagree with the content of those letters, as a matter of fact, it's nice to see someone calling them out. What is scary is the way it takes place.
The author recognizes a discrepancy in the teaching of Joyce or Joel; something that doesn't actually promote Christ's teachings. They notice this 25 years too late, after an entire generation of Christians has been formed through the teachings of Joyce and Joel. They rip off the bandaid, probably because they themselves have been hurt, and want to prevent many others from being misled. That is noble. But what do they do after the damage has been done? What is done for the 50 year old woman who used every Joyce Meyer bible study and who has a Joyce Meyer spiritual world view? All of a sudden "that isn't true" anymore, and she's left wondering "If that wasn't true all along, why did my church allow it to be taught in our classes all these years?" And what happens to the church that doesn't have internet access? They will keep on teaching Joyce and Joel as gospel truth because they weren't able to read J. Doe's dissertation on "Why I called out Joyce Meyer". So now we have 2 churches preaching 2 different things. Times 100. Times 10,000. Because it's up to the pastor of each church to determine what goes on in his church. So what happens to you if your pastor "Hates Religion and Loves Jesus?" The problem is that he may never actually come out and say those exact words. So how are we to know? Again, lets investigate. Is your pastor gaining any level of fame and notoriety for his work; his "contributions to the Christian faith?" Is he held at a level of importance that you feel like part of the "in club" if you are his friend or invite him over for dinner? What can you say for the quality of spiritual guidance you are receiving in your church? Are you being pushed out of your comfort zone? By that I don't mean you are volunteering to help the homeless even though they scare you a little bit. I mean, are you being pushed to deal with real issues in your life? God didn't call his church to learn as they go. He gave his church the truth and commanded us to proclaim it our day and time, not 50 years down the road when we finally feel secure in our faith. That's why He didn't give us the job of making up our own religions; we were just commanded to follow the one He gave us. We don't have the time to waste on these "new" and "exciting" versions of Christianity. They are just a distraction; they get people interested in faith for a little while, confuse them with their false teachings, then 5-10 years later, after much struggling, the person will realize the falsehood and move on to something new, or reject God all together. If it's new, its not the real deal. Ignore it. Even if it doesn't confuse you, it very likely could confuse someone else, so don't spread that garbage. Obviously the gospel hasn't changed in over 2000 years and isn't going to. I'm not going to title this "Open Letter to the Christian Church", because that was already covered in Acts, Romans, and many more letters. What I am hoping you will get out of all this is that there is a lot of confusion surrounding Christianity, and there doesn't have to be. If you are confused, struggling, hurt by the church, depressed and don't know why, struggling with unresolved issues from 30 years ago, and you just realized that no one in your church has ever known this, much less encouraged you to get help for it, I urge you to learn more about the Catholic Church. With a caveat- learn from someone who actually knows what they are talking about. (I can give you the hook up if needed)
The Catholic church gave me more tools in less than a year to live a fruitful and healthy Christian life, than I received at any other Church I ever attended, and I give nothing and no one credit for that except for the grace of my Savior. I labeled myself as something "other than Catholic" for 24 years, and I am just starting to understand how long I had allowed myself to stagnate in very shallow waters. Now I am slowly making my way to the deep end of the pool. I want more of Christ, and because of that, He is transforming me in ways I never imagined. Like, in REAL ways. I'm no longer held captive by some pretty harmful family traits. I have literally been given a fresh start, and I'm not held captive by my past.
We all know that we were never promised that being a Christian would be easy, but I think a lot of Christians subject themselves to a lot of internal suffering because they think they have to, "because being a Christian isn't easy."
It isn't.
But it's hard in the sense that you are going to have to go against the grain often and probably suffer because of that. Just because being a Christian is hard doesn't mean that you have to remain captive to destructive traits or hurtful habits that almost prevent you from functioning, much less living fruitful Christian lives. It's not God's intention for us to be slaves to things like that, and if our Church is doing nothing to rip us out of that mindset and place us on a higher path, then it isn't doing its job. I don't care if you can buy a latte in the foyer. I do believe that the Catholic Church is THE Church Christ instituted, and it gives us so many tools to have a faith full of life, here and now; it doesn't make us wait for heaven! I love that no number of open letters or annoying raps can cause me to feel like my faith has just been shattered, or in the least, really confused. On the contrary, as a Catholic I am able to look past the confusion and noise of this world and hold steadfast to the UNCHANGING truth given to us by Christ through the Bible AND through the traditions of the Catholic Church.
So no more open letters people! Ugh!
And become Catholic!
That's All and God Bless!
Tavi
Hrm.
This process deeply disturbs me, and I hope it does you too.
Let's investigate.
I get the impression when I read these "Open Letters" that circulate the internet every so often, that the author really thinks that his or her opinion has never been thought of before, and now that they have brought their thoughts into the open, a new chapter of world enlightenment can begin. The real problem, is that this is just the same song, different verse. Many of these "Open Letters" and video clips are created, not with the purpose that the author claims, but with the purpose of glorifying the author him/herself. That's why I hate them.
In the "Open Letter to Miley Cyrus": The Author is telling Miley Cyrus to put on more clothes. Why would the author feel the need to do this publicly, when she KNOWS that Miley will never actually read said letter? It sure is nice to get 10,000 pats on the back via social media, though, while bringing attention to one's own high morals.
We all remember that rap telling us "Why I Hate Religion, but Love Jesus. I can't count the number of my friends who jumped on that bandwagon. I get the point the dude was trying to make, but I can't help but wonder if the majority of the people that "liked" it on Facebook actually listened the lyrics. He starts off by telling us that Jesus came to abolish religion. I'm not sure I ever read that one in the Bible, did you? If you dislike the word "religion" for its negative connotations, and prefer to think of Jesus starting a "movement", that's fine. But it's the same thing. And He started a really big one that's still going strong. So if He came to abolish religion, I would say that He didn't quite accomplish that.
The author takes that and runs, preying on all the hurt and pain that everyone has ever received from their church at some point in their life, getting everyone to proclaim that "We HATE religion, but LOVE Jesus!" If you look at a quote that the author made about his rap, you will see that he said that he it was
"A poem I wrote to highlight the difference between Jesus and false religion." -Jefferson Bethke
False Religion, huh?
Wait, you didn't say "False Religion" in that rap that got 27 million hits on YouTube!! You just said "Religion".
Sneaky.
So the author aknowledges there IS a true, Christ inspired religion, but if he were to include that in his song, well, there wouldn't be as big of a bandwagon to jump on anymore right?
What it sounds like he is doing is encouraging people to renounce all forms of organized religion and just "Love Jesus". Even if that isn't what the author meant, that is what the majority of people were interpreting the lyrics to mean, and he knew that when he wrote it.
Let me ask you: Would you teach this concept to your children? Of course not! Because we know as their parents that they need the structure of an organized and purposeful environment that is provided at church to help them learn their faith. And that's not just a kid thing; that's a human thing. That's how we learn, and God knew that. That is why he gave us The Church, because he knew that just walking around loving Jesus wasn't going to do jack for the reformation of the human soul and for society.
And my personal favorite are these letters from John Doe to Joyce Meyer and Joel Osteen calling them out on their false teachings. I'm not saying I disagree with the content of those letters, as a matter of fact, it's nice to see someone calling them out. What is scary is the way it takes place.
The author recognizes a discrepancy in the teaching of Joyce or Joel; something that doesn't actually promote Christ's teachings. They notice this 25 years too late, after an entire generation of Christians has been formed through the teachings of Joyce and Joel. They rip off the bandaid, probably because they themselves have been hurt, and want to prevent many others from being misled. That is noble. But what do they do after the damage has been done? What is done for the 50 year old woman who used every Joyce Meyer bible study and who has a Joyce Meyer spiritual world view? All of a sudden "that isn't true" anymore, and she's left wondering "If that wasn't true all along, why did my church allow it to be taught in our classes all these years?" And what happens to the church that doesn't have internet access? They will keep on teaching Joyce and Joel as gospel truth because they weren't able to read J. Doe's dissertation on "Why I called out Joyce Meyer". So now we have 2 churches preaching 2 different things. Times 100. Times 10,000. Because it's up to the pastor of each church to determine what goes on in his church. So what happens to you if your pastor "Hates Religion and Loves Jesus?" The problem is that he may never actually come out and say those exact words. So how are we to know? Again, lets investigate. Is your pastor gaining any level of fame and notoriety for his work; his "contributions to the Christian faith?" Is he held at a level of importance that you feel like part of the "in club" if you are his friend or invite him over for dinner? What can you say for the quality of spiritual guidance you are receiving in your church? Are you being pushed out of your comfort zone? By that I don't mean you are volunteering to help the homeless even though they scare you a little bit. I mean, are you being pushed to deal with real issues in your life? God didn't call his church to learn as they go. He gave his church the truth and commanded us to proclaim it our day and time, not 50 years down the road when we finally feel secure in our faith. That's why He didn't give us the job of making up our own religions; we were just commanded to follow the one He gave us. We don't have the time to waste on these "new" and "exciting" versions of Christianity. They are just a distraction; they get people interested in faith for a little while, confuse them with their false teachings, then 5-10 years later, after much struggling, the person will realize the falsehood and move on to something new, or reject God all together. If it's new, its not the real deal. Ignore it. Even if it doesn't confuse you, it very likely could confuse someone else, so don't spread that garbage. Obviously the gospel hasn't changed in over 2000 years and isn't going to. I'm not going to title this "Open Letter to the Christian Church", because that was already covered in Acts, Romans, and many more letters. What I am hoping you will get out of all this is that there is a lot of confusion surrounding Christianity, and there doesn't have to be. If you are confused, struggling, hurt by the church, depressed and don't know why, struggling with unresolved issues from 30 years ago, and you just realized that no one in your church has ever known this, much less encouraged you to get help for it, I urge you to learn more about the Catholic Church. With a caveat- learn from someone who actually knows what they are talking about. (I can give you the hook up if needed)
The Catholic church gave me more tools in less than a year to live a fruitful and healthy Christian life, than I received at any other Church I ever attended, and I give nothing and no one credit for that except for the grace of my Savior. I labeled myself as something "other than Catholic" for 24 years, and I am just starting to understand how long I had allowed myself to stagnate in very shallow waters. Now I am slowly making my way to the deep end of the pool. I want more of Christ, and because of that, He is transforming me in ways I never imagined. Like, in REAL ways. I'm no longer held captive by some pretty harmful family traits. I have literally been given a fresh start, and I'm not held captive by my past.
We all know that we were never promised that being a Christian would be easy, but I think a lot of Christians subject themselves to a lot of internal suffering because they think they have to, "because being a Christian isn't easy."
It isn't.
But it's hard in the sense that you are going to have to go against the grain often and probably suffer because of that. Just because being a Christian is hard doesn't mean that you have to remain captive to destructive traits or hurtful habits that almost prevent you from functioning, much less living fruitful Christian lives. It's not God's intention for us to be slaves to things like that, and if our Church is doing nothing to rip us out of that mindset and place us on a higher path, then it isn't doing its job. I don't care if you can buy a latte in the foyer. I do believe that the Catholic Church is THE Church Christ instituted, and it gives us so many tools to have a faith full of life, here and now; it doesn't make us wait for heaven! I love that no number of open letters or annoying raps can cause me to feel like my faith has just been shattered, or in the least, really confused. On the contrary, as a Catholic I am able to look past the confusion and noise of this world and hold steadfast to the UNCHANGING truth given to us by Christ through the Bible AND through the traditions of the Catholic Church.
So no more open letters people! Ugh!
And become Catholic!
That's All and God Bless!
Tavi
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Motherhood: Pass or Fail?
Being a mom is hard.
Being a stay at home mom is hard.
Being a working mom is hard.
I have sisters and friends in both categories, and as I hear them talk and sob and laugh about the struggles that come along in their lives, I just have to nod my head in agreement and offer the only thing that I can; my experience and a listening ear. Most of the time that's all they need. A sympathetic ear, someone to tell them that they are not, in fact, going crazy. While I only have about 3 years of mothering experience to draw from, I definitely feel that if I can save any of my friends from some of the hard-learned lessons and sob-fests that I had to endure, then I am more than happy to try to offer some help. I am a stay at home mom, and have been for almost 3 years, excluding a 2 month period where I worked during my husband's transition from medical school to residency. So, as short as that 2 months seems, I still can claim that I have seen "mom-hood" from both sides, and this is what I have observed:
Being mom is non-stop.
Describe it how you like: "busy, crazy, rewarding, and exhausting" are some common descriptors I hear from most moms (stay at home AND working) regarding their lives.
Here is the truth. There is no perfect balance. I know working moms who ache to be home everyday with their children. I know stay at home moms who ache to take a shower and for goodness sake just talk to an adult for an hour or two. Both scenarios can make a woman feel like her world is ending, and no matter which category you find yourself in, you will NEVER be the mom that has it all together in either instance. I PROMISE. Besides what Pinterest tries to tell us, that mom doesn't exist. And it's a good thing she doesn't, because I would hate her. So, so much.
I have heard moms on both sides say " I just don't know if I could handle being a stay at home mom; wouldn't I just go BESERK?!" and "I just don't know if I can handle going back to work and leaving my precious baby!" To both, let me say, " You can." We do what we have to to make the best life we can for our families.
Here's some more truth:
If you are a stay at home mom, you will go crazy on a semi-regular basis, and you will learn to take necessary preventative precautions to protect your mental health, and subsequently that of your closest ally, your husband. This allows you to remain functioning as a human being at its basest level. Luckily, that's the highest level you need to attain in order to raise children.
I'm joking.
Kind of.
If you are a working mom, you will struggle with that nagging guilt that reminds you that you are missing so many milestones and quality snuggle time with that baby that is growing up so darn fast. And you will learn to compensate by spending quality time with family on weekends, and maybe keep that baby up late just to spend a little more time with him. Your life probably won't be dictated by "The Routine" because you are dying to get home from work and spend time with your baby, whereas, around the same time of day, a stay at home mom is saying "OK, we've spent 12 waking hours together and I'm ready for you to go to bed, child. NOW!
There are pro's and con's either way, and since my current situation is that of a stay at home mom, I will share some of my findings from that viewpoint.
When I worked outside the home, my definition of "a busy day at work" had slightly different connotations than it does now.
"Busy" used to mean "productive". Now it just means "a long day full of chaos with nothing to show for it at the end. All those dreams of being a stay at home mom while keeping up with the housework...ah, I just laugh. If we all have clean underwear on any given day it's a miracle. A true miracle.
Me being busy now means not "productive", but rather, "engaged". I am rarely productive by the world's standards. If I was your housekeeper you would fire me. My husband is the hardest working man I know and he constantly comes home to piles of laundry here, piles, there. Sometimes there is a home cooked meal on the table, sometimes, it's a Big Mac. (I secretly love those nights :) Sometimes I have showered, sometimes not. I am embarrassed by this because I, like everyone else, have learned to hold myself to the world's standards of what a responsible adult should look like or do, and by those standards I appear to be the world's grossest and laziest human being.
But wait! I know I'm not gross or lazy. Well, at least not deep down. I may give my kids "baths" with baby wipes sometimes (Hey, at least I use the scented ones!) and I may let them eat off the floor at Chick Fil-A, but my children are very healthy. Never an ear infection. I think I have only had to take H to the doctor once and E, well, never. I'm typing this and tomorrow they will probably come down with some weird virus...
My children are learning to obey, and not just half-way. They will obey and be happy about it.
My children are learning to respect their elders.
My children are learning to pray and are going to live in a home where mom and dad strive to live their faith to the fullest and embrace the Sacraments.
My children are learning the alphabet, to count, how to pee in the potty, how to pick up messes and unload the dishwasher, and all of this they are learning from ME. Because I interacted with them and talked to them like they were adults. I am "busy" all day doing very fundamental, yet very invisible things. What a busy lazy person I am.
I guess I'm not so unproductive after all, I'll just have to wait 20+ years to enjoy the fruits of my labors.
So on those days, moms, where your eye is twitching and you don't know if you will make it until bed time, ask yourself whose standards you are holding yourself to. If you have done the important stuff, i.e. fed, bathed, clothed, snuggled, your child, does God really care if your kid eats stale popcorn for a snack because you left it in the diaper bag overnight in an unsealed container but you decided it was still OK because popcorn always kinda tastes stale in the first place?
No, He doesn't.
In my opinion, His standards are more lenient than the ones the world tries to place on us. I almost revel in my imperfections as a mother because 1) it gives me common ground with other moms and provides me with humorous anecdotes for my twitter feed and 2) it frees me up to do more important things with my time than pouting about my shortcoming and comparing myself to other moms. With those expectations gone, I am free to follow my own instincts about being a mom, and (gasp) enjoy the little things.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.
Proverbs 31:28-31
Being a stay at home mom is hard.
Being a working mom is hard.
I have sisters and friends in both categories, and as I hear them talk and sob and laugh about the struggles that come along in their lives, I just have to nod my head in agreement and offer the only thing that I can; my experience and a listening ear. Most of the time that's all they need. A sympathetic ear, someone to tell them that they are not, in fact, going crazy. While I only have about 3 years of mothering experience to draw from, I definitely feel that if I can save any of my friends from some of the hard-learned lessons and sob-fests that I had to endure, then I am more than happy to try to offer some help. I am a stay at home mom, and have been for almost 3 years, excluding a 2 month period where I worked during my husband's transition from medical school to residency. So, as short as that 2 months seems, I still can claim that I have seen "mom-hood" from both sides, and this is what I have observed:
Being mom is non-stop.
Describe it how you like: "busy, crazy, rewarding, and exhausting" are some common descriptors I hear from most moms (stay at home AND working) regarding their lives.
Here is the truth. There is no perfect balance. I know working moms who ache to be home everyday with their children. I know stay at home moms who ache to take a shower and for goodness sake just talk to an adult for an hour or two. Both scenarios can make a woman feel like her world is ending, and no matter which category you find yourself in, you will NEVER be the mom that has it all together in either instance. I PROMISE. Besides what Pinterest tries to tell us, that mom doesn't exist. And it's a good thing she doesn't, because I would hate her. So, so much.
I have heard moms on both sides say " I just don't know if I could handle being a stay at home mom; wouldn't I just go BESERK?!" and "I just don't know if I can handle going back to work and leaving my precious baby!" To both, let me say, " You can." We do what we have to to make the best life we can for our families.
Here's some more truth:
If you are a stay at home mom, you will go crazy on a semi-regular basis, and you will learn to take necessary preventative precautions to protect your mental health, and subsequently that of your closest ally, your husband. This allows you to remain functioning as a human being at its basest level. Luckily, that's the highest level you need to attain in order to raise children.
I'm joking.
Kind of.
If you are a working mom, you will struggle with that nagging guilt that reminds you that you are missing so many milestones and quality snuggle time with that baby that is growing up so darn fast. And you will learn to compensate by spending quality time with family on weekends, and maybe keep that baby up late just to spend a little more time with him. Your life probably won't be dictated by "The Routine" because you are dying to get home from work and spend time with your baby, whereas, around the same time of day, a stay at home mom is saying "OK, we've spent 12 waking hours together and I'm ready for you to go to bed, child. NOW!
There are pro's and con's either way, and since my current situation is that of a stay at home mom, I will share some of my findings from that viewpoint.
When I worked outside the home, my definition of "a busy day at work" had slightly different connotations than it does now.
"Busy" used to mean "productive". Now it just means "a long day full of chaos with nothing to show for it at the end. All those dreams of being a stay at home mom while keeping up with the housework...ah, I just laugh. If we all have clean underwear on any given day it's a miracle. A true miracle.
Me being busy now means not "productive", but rather, "engaged". I am rarely productive by the world's standards. If I was your housekeeper you would fire me. My husband is the hardest working man I know and he constantly comes home to piles of laundry here, piles, there. Sometimes there is a home cooked meal on the table, sometimes, it's a Big Mac. (I secretly love those nights :) Sometimes I have showered, sometimes not. I am embarrassed by this because I, like everyone else, have learned to hold myself to the world's standards of what a responsible adult should look like or do, and by those standards I appear to be the world's grossest and laziest human being.
But wait! I know I'm not gross or lazy. Well, at least not deep down. I may give my kids "baths" with baby wipes sometimes (Hey, at least I use the scented ones!) and I may let them eat off the floor at Chick Fil-A, but my children are very healthy. Never an ear infection. I think I have only had to take H to the doctor once and E, well, never. I'm typing this and tomorrow they will probably come down with some weird virus...
My children are learning to obey, and not just half-way. They will obey and be happy about it.
My children are learning to respect their elders.
My children are learning to pray and are going to live in a home where mom and dad strive to live their faith to the fullest and embrace the Sacraments.
My children are learning the alphabet, to count, how to pee in the potty, how to pick up messes and unload the dishwasher, and all of this they are learning from ME. Because I interacted with them and talked to them like they were adults. I am "busy" all day doing very fundamental, yet very invisible things. What a busy lazy person I am.
I guess I'm not so unproductive after all, I'll just have to wait 20+ years to enjoy the fruits of my labors.
So on those days, moms, where your eye is twitching and you don't know if you will make it until bed time, ask yourself whose standards you are holding yourself to. If you have done the important stuff, i.e. fed, bathed, clothed, snuggled, your child, does God really care if your kid eats stale popcorn for a snack because you left it in the diaper bag overnight in an unsealed container but you decided it was still OK because popcorn always kinda tastes stale in the first place?
No, He doesn't.
In my opinion, His standards are more lenient than the ones the world tries to place on us. I almost revel in my imperfections as a mother because 1) it gives me common ground with other moms and provides me with humorous anecdotes for my twitter feed and 2) it frees me up to do more important things with my time than pouting about my shortcoming and comparing myself to other moms. With those expectations gone, I am free to follow my own instincts about being a mom, and (gasp) enjoy the little things.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.
Proverbs 31:28-31
Saturday, September 14, 2013
The Death of My Grandfather
My grandfather died on Wednesday. Grandpa Lloyd. This was really the first death I have had to face in my adult life; the first death where I was not only grieving, by also caught up in watching my family's reaction to death. I haven't seen a lot of death in my 25 years on this earth. Until now, I can only remember attending 4 or 5 funerals, and none of them were people I was particularly close to. It's interesting how death affects everyone in different ways. I myself found comfort knowing that Grandpa was no longer suffering; the past few times I had seen him, he was very pale, and seemed like he was daydreaming; maybe of heaven, who knows? I just knew that the grandpa I knew was slowly leaving, and that I needed to say my goodbyes. The night before he passed, I went by to see him in the hospice house. He was frail and weak, but still had his goofy personality. He asked about Henry and Elliot and speculated that Henry was going to be a football player when he grew up and that Elliot would play basketball. I knew then that he was saying his goodbyes and was trying to make sure to let everyone know how much he loved them. He didn't stay awake for long; he started getting tired and I told him to get some good sleep and gave him a big kiss on the mouth. He had always given us big, sloppy kisses on the mouth and I remember being grossed out by that as a kid ( I would always have to wipe the spit off with my hand afterward) But I knew that was probably going to be our last kiss, so I wanted to make it count. It was. And it did.
When we were passing his room to make the trek to the door to leave, we saw him talking with his eyes closed. At first I thought that it was just talking in his sleep, but then I realized that he was probably praying, as he did every night. He was faithful to his God until the end, as his God was faithful to him. He allowed my grandpa a peaceful passing, surrounded by loved ones. It is hard to express how sorrow and peace can so integrally co-exist, but today they did. That is the beauty of our hope in Christ; it surpasses all human understanding. The sadness is there. The hope is there. Ideally a lesson about the brevity of life has been learned by all and we will tell our spouses we love them just one more time in a day, and hug our babies a little longer before bed. It's easy to forget we are all headed that way, and our bodies won't last us too terribly long on this earth. It's easy to forget just how blessed we are to wake up and still have our loved ones surrounding us, alive and well. I watched my grandmother a lot today. After 63 years, she still wasn't any closer to being ready to let her sweetheart go than she was on the first day they met. In fact, it was probably harder, considering all they have been through together. I used to think that, as Christians, we didn't have to mourn at funerals; mourning was discouraged because we knew that death wasn't really the end. What I realized today is that mourning is just a natural human response; we can't keep that from happening. But the hope that Christ gives us is the fact that grief and hope can and very much do co-exist.
For his anger is but for a moment;
his favour is for a lifetime.
Weeping may linger for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
When we were passing his room to make the trek to the door to leave, we saw him talking with his eyes closed. At first I thought that it was just talking in his sleep, but then I realized that he was probably praying, as he did every night. He was faithful to his God until the end, as his God was faithful to him. He allowed my grandpa a peaceful passing, surrounded by loved ones. It is hard to express how sorrow and peace can so integrally co-exist, but today they did. That is the beauty of our hope in Christ; it surpasses all human understanding. The sadness is there. The hope is there. Ideally a lesson about the brevity of life has been learned by all and we will tell our spouses we love them just one more time in a day, and hug our babies a little longer before bed. It's easy to forget we are all headed that way, and our bodies won't last us too terribly long on this earth. It's easy to forget just how blessed we are to wake up and still have our loved ones surrounding us, alive and well. I watched my grandmother a lot today. After 63 years, she still wasn't any closer to being ready to let her sweetheart go than she was on the first day they met. In fact, it was probably harder, considering all they have been through together. I used to think that, as Christians, we didn't have to mourn at funerals; mourning was discouraged because we knew that death wasn't really the end. What I realized today is that mourning is just a natural human response; we can't keep that from happening. But the hope that Christ gives us is the fact that grief and hope can and very much do co-exist.
For his anger is but for a moment;
his favour is for a lifetime.
Weeping may linger for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
Psalm 30:5
I think grandpa would have been humbled to see that his simple faith touched so many lives, and that should serve as a reminder to us that our work here isn't quite done, and we have the honor of carrying on his legacy.
Love you grandpa, (a bushel and a peck)
Tavi
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Am I Write?
I have always been a person who conveys my true thoughts more clearly on paper than through speech. I was always writing songs to express my teenage angst in high school, then when things got serious with Michael and me, and I was forced to begin communicating (gasp) on a pretty consistent basis, it always seemed when we would have an issue come up, it would only be resolved after I wrote him an email or letter. Some of them scathing, to be sure. Sorry M :(
I always just accepted this to be a quirky part of my personality and was almost ashamed of it, thinking "Why can't I communicate like NORMAL people?" Well I have been going to see a Counselor for awhile now to help me sort through issues that have come about as a result of, well, being a member of the human race for a long enough period. I have learned some pretty crazy stuff about myself, and I have observed some things through new eyes. For instance, "Normal" (if we are defining that as "The majority of people") don't communicate, at least not effectively. So, now I"m empowered. I'm not in the "norm", and thank goodness. It may take me a 4 page exhortation to tell Michael that he needs to start helping out around the house and would he please start putting his dirty undies in the hamper (those are just examples, but I did one time write a huge nasty email regarding Pistachio nuts). But, hey, the point is that I actually told him he needed to start helping out around the house instead of sitting on it for 50 years, then one day, waking up, keying his car with the words "It's OVER!" and filing for divorce. Again, just examples. My hubby helps out around the house alot. He roasted a whole chicken for dinner last night. Cue applause.
I'm just thinking:
If it's "Normal" for 50% of first time marriages to end in divorce, I'd rather be in that other group. You know, the one where you stay married to the same person your whole life. I'm OK with not being NORMAL.
If it's "Normal" to ingest synthetic hormones daily so you don't end up with 12 children (even though there are non-hormonal options out there, granted you have to actually put some work into charting, etc.), then I'd rather be in that other group. You know, the one where you don't grow a third arm when you are 40 and have been on the pill for 20 years.
It it's "Normal" to be on Facebook or Twitter for the majority of your day, fostering digital relationships, yet ignoring the very real people that have been placed in your life, I'd rather be in that other group. You know, the one where you don't have 2,347 friends, but you have 3 amazing ones who really do make your life more full of joy.
I could go on and on. Here's the thing; there is no normal, and I think most of us know that, but really, REALLY knowing it and living like we know it is a different story. Having a unified set of standards given to us by Christ through his teachings and His Church provides us with something to strive for. If we are all striving for the same standard of holiness, THAT becomes our measure of normal, not the percentages of people failing in certain areas. As long as we remain humble, and allow Christ to work through our human shortcomings, we have been granted forgiveness for those shortcomings. I choose to be surrounded by people who are striving for the same things that I am- a deeper relationship with Christ and searching for ways to serve His Church and those around me.
So yes, I'm a nerd who can't talk to other people and I'm a weird hippy because I don't take birth control but my family talks to each other. Better yet, on a good day, we PRAY together. (Still working on making that a daily thing. In time). We avoid alot of common family issues because we talk about things. It sounds simple, it is simple, but I have a feeling 50% of families aren't taking advantage of this calling to be present in each other's lives.
Monday, August 5, 2013
A dent in my car, a chink in my armor
For as long as I can remember, I would begin to feel un-easy when everything started going smoothly in my life. Not a "something bad is bound to happen" sort of uneasy, but more like a "I don't like the kind of person this false sense of sense of security is turning me into" sort of uneasy. Let me explain. Like anyone, I have smooth patches and rough patches in my life, but due to my unreasonably high expectations of what "smooth patches" should look like, I was setting myself up for disappointment.
My husband and I purchased a brand new vehicle last year. It was so pretty and perfect. Caramel Bronze Pearl. A few months ago, we got a couple of ugly dimples in one of the doors. Really, considering some of the hail we have driven through, its surprising that is all the damage we have incurred thus far. But I digress, my perfect car was still, in fact, a very pretty one (from one side) and a very reliable vehicle, but all I can see are those dimples. My eye goes straight to them every time I find my car in the parking lot. I imagine all the other moms in their pristine SUV's driving by and judging me. Yes, I know how I sound. I think that part of this is due to the way I was raised. There were 4 kids and not alot of money, so if we couldn't be rich, we were going to take upmost care of our belongings so that we could at least keep up the appearance of having nice, new things. Years later, I have realized that this mindset led to quite an unhealthy emphasis placed on material things. Perfect, pristine, material things. So I am stuck with this mind-set that allows me to understand that money doesn't buy happiness, but ironically also tells me I can't be happy unless I attain perfection in maintaing my possessions, my home, my children, the list goes on. Obviously, maintaining the appearance of perfection in one's life is difficult, if not impossible. But, boy, do I try. No wonder I'm tired.
Pope Francis has talked about avoiding the "latest and greatest" toys and purposefully avoiding allowing yourself to fall into that false sense of "perfection" or stability. There is nothing wrong with having an IPhone 5 or a new car. But if you notice your possessions lulling you into a false sense of security or perfection in your life, you will never be happy because there will always be something newer and better. You may find yourself day-dreaming and wasting your thoughts on planning what you can buy next, or if you're like me, planning your next wardrobe. You may very likely also be missing out on that still, quiet voice of the Holy Spirit that could be prompting you to do his work, because thoughts of having your ducks in a row and appearing perfect will be dominating your mind, not the thoughts of the Spirit.
So for now, I'm thinking it's not such a bad idea to leave those dimples in my car. My life is incredibly full and blessed, and while I think I have reason to complain about those dents in my door, I think that leaving them there is just preventing me from getting distracted by one or two new, minor issues. Maybe it's better to buy your IPhone one generation behind the newest, just so that every time you look at it, you know it's nice, but you are also aware that you made a conscious effort to not allow your possessions to dictate who you are. Having a tangible reminder of this concept is actually pretty handy, now that I think about it. I see it everyday when I put my kids in the car. A dent in my car, a chink in my armor. A reminder to always seek Christ and you will always find Him.
Note: I am in no way referring to my hubby, who finally got an IPhone 5 this weekend! He had patiently waited for a new phone for years and until 2 days ago was still using a 3GS. Yay hubby! You work hard and you deserve that IPhone 5! Just don't tell Pope Francis. :D
My husband and I purchased a brand new vehicle last year. It was so pretty and perfect. Caramel Bronze Pearl. A few months ago, we got a couple of ugly dimples in one of the doors. Really, considering some of the hail we have driven through, its surprising that is all the damage we have incurred thus far. But I digress, my perfect car was still, in fact, a very pretty one (from one side) and a very reliable vehicle, but all I can see are those dimples. My eye goes straight to them every time I find my car in the parking lot. I imagine all the other moms in their pristine SUV's driving by and judging me. Yes, I know how I sound. I think that part of this is due to the way I was raised. There were 4 kids and not alot of money, so if we couldn't be rich, we were going to take upmost care of our belongings so that we could at least keep up the appearance of having nice, new things. Years later, I have realized that this mindset led to quite an unhealthy emphasis placed on material things. Perfect, pristine, material things. So I am stuck with this mind-set that allows me to understand that money doesn't buy happiness, but ironically also tells me I can't be happy unless I attain perfection in maintaing my possessions, my home, my children, the list goes on. Obviously, maintaining the appearance of perfection in one's life is difficult, if not impossible. But, boy, do I try. No wonder I'm tired.
Pope Francis has talked about avoiding the "latest and greatest" toys and purposefully avoiding allowing yourself to fall into that false sense of "perfection" or stability. There is nothing wrong with having an IPhone 5 or a new car. But if you notice your possessions lulling you into a false sense of security or perfection in your life, you will never be happy because there will always be something newer and better. You may find yourself day-dreaming and wasting your thoughts on planning what you can buy next, or if you're like me, planning your next wardrobe. You may very likely also be missing out on that still, quiet voice of the Holy Spirit that could be prompting you to do his work, because thoughts of having your ducks in a row and appearing perfect will be dominating your mind, not the thoughts of the Spirit.
So for now, I'm thinking it's not such a bad idea to leave those dimples in my car. My life is incredibly full and blessed, and while I think I have reason to complain about those dents in my door, I think that leaving them there is just preventing me from getting distracted by one or two new, minor issues. Maybe it's better to buy your IPhone one generation behind the newest, just so that every time you look at it, you know it's nice, but you are also aware that you made a conscious effort to not allow your possessions to dictate who you are. Having a tangible reminder of this concept is actually pretty handy, now that I think about it. I see it everyday when I put my kids in the car. A dent in my car, a chink in my armor. A reminder to always seek Christ and you will always find Him.
Note: I am in no way referring to my hubby, who finally got an IPhone 5 this weekend! He had patiently waited for a new phone for years and until 2 days ago was still using a 3GS. Yay hubby! You work hard and you deserve that IPhone 5! Just don't tell Pope Francis. :D
Monday, July 8, 2013
25 Important Things I Learned Before Age 25
Doctors say that the human brain isn't done fully developing until age 25. I have to fully agree, as my life is proof of that. I am now closer to 26 than 25, ( did I really just admit that?!) but reaching my quarter century mark has truly been the year of the "fog" lifting. My husband and I crammed SOOOO many major life events in before I reached the age of 25, and it wasn't until many of them had already taken place that I felt myself starting to truly "grow up." Here are a few examples: I'm tired just reading them!
1) Michael started Medical school when I was 19 years old and he was 22. Gosh, we were babies! He moved up to the big city to start school, and I moved up the big city and got an apartment with my brother, so I could be close to my sweetie and start my "big girl" life. Yeah right, 19 year old Tavi.
2) During this time, I was fiddle-farting around in college, knocked back an Associates Degree in Graphic Design in a years time, and was working retail.
3) ) I got a great job at a bank where I learned so much about banking. And life. And made some amazing friends.
4) I was in a pretty bad car wreck weeks before our wedding. Escaped with a totaled car and a seat belt burn that would be pretty obvious in my wedding dress. It faded quickly, thank goodness! Learned a great lesson about mortality.
5) We got married when I was 21 and he was 24.
6) While Michael was in school, I was trying to force myself to finish college and get my Bachelor's degree. Any degree. However, since I was paying for everything myself, I saw firsthand what a waste of money and time it was to be taking classes aimlessly with no passion or goal. I had not yet answered the question "What do I want to be when I grow up?" and I learned that being passionate about your goals in life is an important part of helping you achieve your goals. I waited 4 more year for that goal to take root.
7) Michael and I bought our first home together during this same time.
8) I learned never to buy my husband pistachios for Valentine's Day. (One of our first big fights. Don't ask)
9) We had our first son when I was 23 and he was 26 (almost).
10) Michael graduated Medical School 3 months later.
11) Michael began his residency.
12) We had our second son when I was 24 and Michael was 27.
13) Soon after this, we began our journey with Natural Family Planning. Little did I know at the time how much this would change my life.
14) I got my first "mom" car. Subaru Outback. I learned this is probably the coolest I will ever look driving a car, as we plan to have more children, and the cars just get uglier from here on out.
15) The stress quickly set in. Being a stay at home mom with 2 babies under 2, a husband in residency, being isolated from all the friends that I used to see every day at work, and learning a new method of birth control that I was thinking "may or may not work", caused some issues to surface. I started blogging. This was cathartic and helped me make sense of my crazy thoughts.
16) I joined the Catholic church at the age of 25, which I think is a beautiful way to symbolize me reaching my "adulthood".
17) Around this time, I had my first Confession. This allowed me to clearly see some "Demons" from my past that I had been suppressing for years that, although I never had thought of them being a huge deal, were preventing spiritual growth in me.
18) I began toying with the idea of teaching The Billings Ovulation Method. It had been such an awesome tool that taught me the beauty of living my Catholic faith, and it had opened up avenues of communication and growth in my marriage that I never would have thought possible.
19) I began to deal with those previously mentioned "Demons" from my past. I had a wonderful family and childhood, but something I hope to teach my children is to ALWAYS speak their mind. If something is bothering them, it is so much better to just talk about it then, rather than letting something little fester, then turn into something big 10 years later. Word. I am a firm proponent of doing whatever it takes to establish more meaningful communication and relationships. Counseling or therapy? Awesome tools.
20) I began to foster adult friendships. I had buried my head in the sand with work and school and past issues for so long, I was not a very fun person to be around. For the first time, I felt like I could move past that and bask in the beauty of the life God had called me to live.
21) I have learned that marriage isn't really about sex at all. We live in a culture that sells such a cheap version of the intimacy that God designed for married couples. Even growing up in a Christian home, I had alot of learning and sorting out to do when I got married. Children need their parents to talk about sex with them. You don't have to be the biology teacher, but inform them of its purpose in the Christian married life. Introduce your teenage daughters to NFP before they start feeling the pressure from friends to start The Pill. If they are brought up in an environment where they are taught to respect sex and their bodies in a very specific and church supported way, I would have to guess they would be far less likely to experiment on their own (which can and most of the time always does have either physical or emotional side effects. Don't just assume your children won't "stray" because they grew up in a Christian home. If they haven't been told, really TOLD the truth about things, then of course they are going to go out looking for it in the wrong places.
22) I am becoming the chef of our household. Finally. It started off rocky (salty ziti, Michael?) , but I impress myself (and sometimes my husband) with my culinary skills on a regular basis.
23) Because of the nature of my husband's job (i.e. him being gone a lot), I have had to learn to caulk a bath tub. Handy life skill, I'm sure.
24) I have learned that taking time to purposely "pamper" your marriage isn't an option. Michael and I are taking our first trip (albeit a very short one) together in a few weeks. First get away since the honeymoon, 4 years ago. With this long list of stuff we crammed into our young lives, wouldn't you agree we are due for a little vacay?
25) I have discovered my purpose. At least for now. I am a Catholic first and foremost, and hope to be able to openly share my faith with any and all. I am a wife. I am a mom. I am a woman who has overcome emotional and spiritual obstacles. I am a friend. I am going to train to become a Billings Instructor in September. I am going to face my future without fear and embrace the new challenges that life brings. But as for dealing with the next 25 years, I feel like, finally, my foundation is built on the rock, and I will not be moved.
1) Michael started Medical school when I was 19 years old and he was 22. Gosh, we were babies! He moved up to the big city to start school, and I moved up the big city and got an apartment with my brother, so I could be close to my sweetie and start my "big girl" life. Yeah right, 19 year old Tavi.
2) During this time, I was fiddle-farting around in college, knocked back an Associates Degree in Graphic Design in a years time, and was working retail.
3) ) I got a great job at a bank where I learned so much about banking. And life. And made some amazing friends.
4) I was in a pretty bad car wreck weeks before our wedding. Escaped with a totaled car and a seat belt burn that would be pretty obvious in my wedding dress. It faded quickly, thank goodness! Learned a great lesson about mortality.
5) We got married when I was 21 and he was 24.
6) While Michael was in school, I was trying to force myself to finish college and get my Bachelor's degree. Any degree. However, since I was paying for everything myself, I saw firsthand what a waste of money and time it was to be taking classes aimlessly with no passion or goal. I had not yet answered the question "What do I want to be when I grow up?" and I learned that being passionate about your goals in life is an important part of helping you achieve your goals. I waited 4 more year for that goal to take root.
7) Michael and I bought our first home together during this same time.
8) I learned never to buy my husband pistachios for Valentine's Day. (One of our first big fights. Don't ask)
9) We had our first son when I was 23 and he was 26 (almost).
10) Michael graduated Medical School 3 months later.
11) Michael began his residency.
12) We had our second son when I was 24 and Michael was 27.
13) Soon after this, we began our journey with Natural Family Planning. Little did I know at the time how much this would change my life.
14) I got my first "mom" car. Subaru Outback. I learned this is probably the coolest I will ever look driving a car, as we plan to have more children, and the cars just get uglier from here on out.
15) The stress quickly set in. Being a stay at home mom with 2 babies under 2, a husband in residency, being isolated from all the friends that I used to see every day at work, and learning a new method of birth control that I was thinking "may or may not work", caused some issues to surface. I started blogging. This was cathartic and helped me make sense of my crazy thoughts.
16) I joined the Catholic church at the age of 25, which I think is a beautiful way to symbolize me reaching my "adulthood".
17) Around this time, I had my first Confession. This allowed me to clearly see some "Demons" from my past that I had been suppressing for years that, although I never had thought of them being a huge deal, were preventing spiritual growth in me.
18) I began toying with the idea of teaching The Billings Ovulation Method. It had been such an awesome tool that taught me the beauty of living my Catholic faith, and it had opened up avenues of communication and growth in my marriage that I never would have thought possible.
19) I began to deal with those previously mentioned "Demons" from my past. I had a wonderful family and childhood, but something I hope to teach my children is to ALWAYS speak their mind. If something is bothering them, it is so much better to just talk about it then, rather than letting something little fester, then turn into something big 10 years later. Word. I am a firm proponent of doing whatever it takes to establish more meaningful communication and relationships. Counseling or therapy? Awesome tools.
20) I began to foster adult friendships. I had buried my head in the sand with work and school and past issues for so long, I was not a very fun person to be around. For the first time, I felt like I could move past that and bask in the beauty of the life God had called me to live.
21) I have learned that marriage isn't really about sex at all. We live in a culture that sells such a cheap version of the intimacy that God designed for married couples. Even growing up in a Christian home, I had alot of learning and sorting out to do when I got married. Children need their parents to talk about sex with them. You don't have to be the biology teacher, but inform them of its purpose in the Christian married life. Introduce your teenage daughters to NFP before they start feeling the pressure from friends to start The Pill. If they are brought up in an environment where they are taught to respect sex and their bodies in a very specific and church supported way, I would have to guess they would be far less likely to experiment on their own (which can and most of the time always does have either physical or emotional side effects. Don't just assume your children won't "stray" because they grew up in a Christian home. If they haven't been told, really TOLD the truth about things, then of course they are going to go out looking for it in the wrong places.
22) I am becoming the chef of our household. Finally. It started off rocky (salty ziti, Michael?) , but I impress myself (and sometimes my husband) with my culinary skills on a regular basis.
23) Because of the nature of my husband's job (i.e. him being gone a lot), I have had to learn to caulk a bath tub. Handy life skill, I'm sure.
24) I have learned that taking time to purposely "pamper" your marriage isn't an option. Michael and I are taking our first trip (albeit a very short one) together in a few weeks. First get away since the honeymoon, 4 years ago. With this long list of stuff we crammed into our young lives, wouldn't you agree we are due for a little vacay?
25) I have discovered my purpose. At least for now. I am a Catholic first and foremost, and hope to be able to openly share my faith with any and all. I am a wife. I am a mom. I am a woman who has overcome emotional and spiritual obstacles. I am a friend. I am going to train to become a Billings Instructor in September. I am going to face my future without fear and embrace the new challenges that life brings. But as for dealing with the next 25 years, I feel like, finally, my foundation is built on the rock, and I will not be moved.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
My Faith Isn't Trendy And I'm OK With That
I'm seeing more and more "trendy" Christian posts on Facebook and Twitter lately. I think we all know what I'm talking about, and I'm sure we are all guilty in some way or another of contributing to this awful hipster Christian image simply because we as humans are going to put our own spin and/ or life experiences on our spiritual journey. But does God want that? Does He need our help making his message more exciting to the world? I'm inclined to say "No." In fact, I'm not sure I would want to follow a God that didn't have enough faith that the path he called his people to walk would stand the test of time without various amendments and tweaks over time to make it more socially relevant. I'm actually thinking that by us trying to "help" God reach people who don't think the Gospel is cool enough, we are just severely watering it down and keeping ourselves and others from experiencing the fullness and greatness of the message of Christ.
I always wrestled with the corniness of alternative Christian music, and growing up in a culture where it was placed on a pedestal, that was a bit of a stumbling block for me. I taught myself to play guitar and piano in high school, and while I had dreams of being the next female rock star, my only venue was the praise and worship services at church. That limited me a bit in terms of exposure to different musical influences, and while I did have quite a bit of musical talent, I quickly lost interest because I had no desire to enter the Christian music scene. It always somehow rubbed me the wrong way that we as Christians were trying so hard to be like "them" in our music, and almost.....ALMOST succeeding. But not quite. I have no problem with Christians playing Christian alternative music on their own time, but for me I was always so distracted in church by it that I wasn't getting anything out of it. There are others like me; those who are distracted by the instruments themselves thinking "I wish I could play guitar like that" or there are those who are distracted by the cute drum player in the back. Me, I was always distracted by my internal voice screaming, " I love God and I want to worship Him, but this just feels unnatural and forced!" It bothered me that musicians were placed in front of the church and onto a stage that only an elite group could join. To me, that just re-enforced that the purpose of the service was not necessarily to humble ourselves before the Great I Am, but to put on a show. But, of course we were always humble about it. It wasn't intentional. That is the culture we have been brought up in. I am here to say that the world would be more interested in Christ if they saw people simply emulating him and his church. Following His commands and living a Sacramental life are much more of a breath of fresh air to the truly weary and searching soul than the tired "we are trying so hard to stay cool" routine. Because trends come and go, leaving much of the Christian community exhausted from having to re-invent their image all over again. But Christ remains. Glory be to the Father, to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
I have seen several Facebook posts lately of people commenting on their "depravity" and casually throwing Calvinistic phrases into social networks posts. "Hey my Calvinism came in handy today when..." or "My child is already displaying early signs of depravity lol". I know a few Calvinists. My brother falls somewhere in that crowd and I truly respect the work he is allowing God to do in his life and his desire to dig deeper and deeper into God's truth. I have had many wonderful God-filled conversations with him. So please don't think I'm out to trash this culture, because that isn't my intent. I simply take issue when to me (an outsider), all I see is a bunch of people reveling in their depravity and letting that be their driving point. OK, we get it. You sin. I sin too. But God absolutely did not create us as depraved beings. He only makes what is good and pure. In fact, we were created in his image. What happened was that we exercised our free will to sin and because of that we were deprived of this original holy state. Thank God for his grace and mercy! Without his forgiveness and grace none of us would obtain salvation! However, as an outsider I can state that what I observe about the new Calvinist community is what I can only imagine "the world" observes about them as well. ( there are other communities doing this too, but I am using Calvinists as an example because that is the one I am most familiar with) I am really bothered when a Christian of any denomination focuses their efforts so much on convincing other Christians (here is a problem- why are we focused on "converting" other Christians in the first place?) that their apologetics are superior, when in fact what is happening is that the basic truth of Christianity and the spreading of its message to those who need it is all but being ignored?) If they would take time to commune with one another they would realize that we are all in the same boat. Saved by grace. When the world sees a group of people, many trying so hard to be socially relevant and loving every minute of their depravity or lack of it and arguing bitterly over semantics, where is the draw to Christ in that scenario? No one needs to be told how screwed up they are. I think we are all very aware of that. I would much rather be in a community of believers that doesn't continually let the shame of their sin dictate how much they grow in their faith. Yes, sin has consequences, sometimes emotional, physical, spiritual. But for me the true leap of faith isn't adhering to John Doe's interpretation of scripture. The true leap of faith is when I begin to allow Christ to occupy my life in such a way that I begin to live in ways that are countercultural, ways that "shock" the world and cause them to take notice. It isn't a popular or fun notion to humble yourself before God in front of a priest for confession. It isn't popular to take on the task of learning and teaching Natural Family Planning to a generation who demands contraceptives as a right, even Christians do this not realizing the effect contraceptives can have on a woman's body, and yes, even a marriage. It isn't popular to go to Mass every Sunday and not attend a concert like many of my friends do, but to sit solemnly and receive the beautiful sacrament of the Eucharist. But I feel more filled with the Spirit after these things than I have ever before. And I am so excited because I realize how much I don't know, and that my whole life can be spent learning new and wonderful things about my Lord and Savior. I feel more prepared to share my faith and finally feel like I have a tangible way to live it out for others. I am not going to put God in a box. I am not going to say that He only works through certain churches or through certain types of people. Another Twitter post I saw the other day relates to this and it bothered me when I saw it. I'm sure my brother will have words with me after today because most of my content is coming from things I have seen on his Twitter. Ha. Regardless.
The post was saying something like "When a church becomes a country club in disguise, it isn't really a church." I know what this person was trying to say. But who are we to say where and how God works. I attend a church in Nichols Hills. There are many well-to-do parishioners and I felt very out of place for a very long time. Sometimes I felt like I was attending a country club. But "country club members" need Christ too, and to be fair I wasn't going out of my way to really try to get to know the hearts of the people there. All I know is that I have received the most powerful experience with Christ as a result of that church. When we begin telling Christ where and how He can work, He usually proves us wrong. I would just hate to wake up one day, realize that His Spirit has been moving all along, then realize that I wasn't a part of that movement because of my own hang-ups. Ask yourself, when will the debates about semantics end and the living of the Christ-filled life begin?
Peace & Love
Tavi
I always wrestled with the corniness of alternative Christian music, and growing up in a culture where it was placed on a pedestal, that was a bit of a stumbling block for me. I taught myself to play guitar and piano in high school, and while I had dreams of being the next female rock star, my only venue was the praise and worship services at church. That limited me a bit in terms of exposure to different musical influences, and while I did have quite a bit of musical talent, I quickly lost interest because I had no desire to enter the Christian music scene. It always somehow rubbed me the wrong way that we as Christians were trying so hard to be like "them" in our music, and almost.....ALMOST succeeding. But not quite. I have no problem with Christians playing Christian alternative music on their own time, but for me I was always so distracted in church by it that I wasn't getting anything out of it. There are others like me; those who are distracted by the instruments themselves thinking "I wish I could play guitar like that" or there are those who are distracted by the cute drum player in the back. Me, I was always distracted by my internal voice screaming, " I love God and I want to worship Him, but this just feels unnatural and forced!" It bothered me that musicians were placed in front of the church and onto a stage that only an elite group could join. To me, that just re-enforced that the purpose of the service was not necessarily to humble ourselves before the Great I Am, but to put on a show. But, of course we were always humble about it. It wasn't intentional. That is the culture we have been brought up in. I am here to say that the world would be more interested in Christ if they saw people simply emulating him and his church. Following His commands and living a Sacramental life are much more of a breath of fresh air to the truly weary and searching soul than the tired "we are trying so hard to stay cool" routine. Because trends come and go, leaving much of the Christian community exhausted from having to re-invent their image all over again. But Christ remains. Glory be to the Father, to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
I have seen several Facebook posts lately of people commenting on their "depravity" and casually throwing Calvinistic phrases into social networks posts. "Hey my Calvinism came in handy today when..." or "My child is already displaying early signs of depravity lol". I know a few Calvinists. My brother falls somewhere in that crowd and I truly respect the work he is allowing God to do in his life and his desire to dig deeper and deeper into God's truth. I have had many wonderful God-filled conversations with him. So please don't think I'm out to trash this culture, because that isn't my intent. I simply take issue when to me (an outsider), all I see is a bunch of people reveling in their depravity and letting that be their driving point. OK, we get it. You sin. I sin too. But God absolutely did not create us as depraved beings. He only makes what is good and pure. In fact, we were created in his image. What happened was that we exercised our free will to sin and because of that we were deprived of this original holy state. Thank God for his grace and mercy! Without his forgiveness and grace none of us would obtain salvation! However, as an outsider I can state that what I observe about the new Calvinist community is what I can only imagine "the world" observes about them as well. ( there are other communities doing this too, but I am using Calvinists as an example because that is the one I am most familiar with) I am really bothered when a Christian of any denomination focuses their efforts so much on convincing other Christians (here is a problem- why are we focused on "converting" other Christians in the first place?) that their apologetics are superior, when in fact what is happening is that the basic truth of Christianity and the spreading of its message to those who need it is all but being ignored?) If they would take time to commune with one another they would realize that we are all in the same boat. Saved by grace. When the world sees a group of people, many trying so hard to be socially relevant and loving every minute of their depravity or lack of it and arguing bitterly over semantics, where is the draw to Christ in that scenario? No one needs to be told how screwed up they are. I think we are all very aware of that. I would much rather be in a community of believers that doesn't continually let the shame of their sin dictate how much they grow in their faith. Yes, sin has consequences, sometimes emotional, physical, spiritual. But for me the true leap of faith isn't adhering to John Doe's interpretation of scripture. The true leap of faith is when I begin to allow Christ to occupy my life in such a way that I begin to live in ways that are countercultural, ways that "shock" the world and cause them to take notice. It isn't a popular or fun notion to humble yourself before God in front of a priest for confession. It isn't popular to take on the task of learning and teaching Natural Family Planning to a generation who demands contraceptives as a right, even Christians do this not realizing the effect contraceptives can have on a woman's body, and yes, even a marriage. It isn't popular to go to Mass every Sunday and not attend a concert like many of my friends do, but to sit solemnly and receive the beautiful sacrament of the Eucharist. But I feel more filled with the Spirit after these things than I have ever before. And I am so excited because I realize how much I don't know, and that my whole life can be spent learning new and wonderful things about my Lord and Savior. I feel more prepared to share my faith and finally feel like I have a tangible way to live it out for others. I am not going to put God in a box. I am not going to say that He only works through certain churches or through certain types of people. Another Twitter post I saw the other day relates to this and it bothered me when I saw it. I'm sure my brother will have words with me after today because most of my content is coming from things I have seen on his Twitter. Ha. Regardless.
The post was saying something like "When a church becomes a country club in disguise, it isn't really a church." I know what this person was trying to say. But who are we to say where and how God works. I attend a church in Nichols Hills. There are many well-to-do parishioners and I felt very out of place for a very long time. Sometimes I felt like I was attending a country club. But "country club members" need Christ too, and to be fair I wasn't going out of my way to really try to get to know the hearts of the people there. All I know is that I have received the most powerful experience with Christ as a result of that church. When we begin telling Christ where and how He can work, He usually proves us wrong. I would just hate to wake up one day, realize that His Spirit has been moving all along, then realize that I wasn't a part of that movement because of my own hang-ups. Ask yourself, when will the debates about semantics end and the living of the Christ-filled life begin?
Peace & Love
Tavi
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Faux Pas and Stinky Houses
Well now. It has been awhile, hasn't it? Although if I blogged every day I would never have time to accumulate interesting material to write about, so I justify my long absence by the fact that I was out doing just that. Here are some key points.
*I was confirmed into the Catholic Church on Easter
*After a year of breastfeeding, I have finally and gloriously weaned my youngest. I fought the good fight. You moms know what I'm talking about.
*Michael and I have made it a year without breeding, so that's exciting. Actually, it is, considering the fact we have gone Catholic "all the way" and have been using NFP (natural family planning) since the birth of our second son. So to the nay-sayers I can offer my unoccupied uterus up as proof that the Billings Ovulation Method is truly effective.
http://www.boma-usa.org
*Surprisingly enough, through our NFP journey, our marriage and faith has been strengthened, and in September I will be taking a class to become certified to teach the Billings Ovulation Method to all who want to learn. Turns out, lots of women don't like their hormones being screwed with by the Pill, and I am surprisingly passionate about spreading the good word.
*Michael is reaching the end of his second year of residency. 2 Down, 1 more to go!
*We are excited about Summer and in preparation for it, we purchased new patio furniture, but not without losing the first table we bought to those great Picnic Grounds in the Sky. It flew off the top of our Subaru. And was quickly trampled by a stampede of oncoming traffic.
*We are ending the end of CT5K, so Michael and I are avid runners. Well, if 30 minute spurts of running counts as avid.
*I'm slowly making my way through the BIBLE again. I thought I would be the first Catholic to read it all the way through. LOL. Just kidding!
Michael and I were able to attend a young couple's dinner at our church last Friday, which doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was, friends. It was. Our church is massive and we may not see the same people twice at Mass (even though we have been attending that Parish together for about 6 years) so getting to know people is challenging, especially to a socially challenged gal like me who doesn't know the first thing about putting herself out there. We met some great couples and had a fun time just pretending to be normal humans that stay up later than 9 o'clock (although our children would dispute that fact). We got to chat with our delightfully quirky priest and all was going well when Michael brought up the burger joint in Tulsa with the funny name. You know, Fudruckers? Ah, well, in this case, in the presence of Father Rick and after 2 Margaritas, it became F*ckrudders. Oh, what a laugh. And how handy we were mere feet from the confessional.
We have been dealing with an odor in our house for awhile now. First it was suspected to be dirty diapers in the garage, so we stopped using the trash can out there for that reason. Then it was mildew from an overflowing washing machine (documented in a previous blog, I believe). Today, Michael and I had the horrific thought that it was a Natural gas leak and we called someone to come inspect it. I lost my appetite, thinking: "This explains so much!" We have been smelling this odor all the time and if we have been breathing it in so much that accounts for why I am so tired and have headaches all the time!" Well, it turned out we just have a stinky house. I have searched up and down for the cause and I just came to the conclusion that having a stinky house is the result of living with 3 boys. Consequently, that must be the cause of my exhaustion and daily headaches.
That about sums things up for now because I actually get to go hang out with some of my friends tonight and leave my children home with daddy. Until then, I joined Twitter today about 3 years too late, so follow me! @TaviAriel
I'm so over Facebook after giving it up for Lent.
I'm not saying Twitter isn't a waste of time too, but at least it limits your time wasting to 140 characters or less.
*I was confirmed into the Catholic Church on Easter
*After a year of breastfeeding, I have finally and gloriously weaned my youngest. I fought the good fight. You moms know what I'm talking about.
*Michael and I have made it a year without breeding, so that's exciting. Actually, it is, considering the fact we have gone Catholic "all the way" and have been using NFP (natural family planning) since the birth of our second son. So to the nay-sayers I can offer my unoccupied uterus up as proof that the Billings Ovulation Method is truly effective.
http://www.boma-usa.org
*Surprisingly enough, through our NFP journey, our marriage and faith has been strengthened, and in September I will be taking a class to become certified to teach the Billings Ovulation Method to all who want to learn. Turns out, lots of women don't like their hormones being screwed with by the Pill, and I am surprisingly passionate about spreading the good word.
*Michael is reaching the end of his second year of residency. 2 Down, 1 more to go!
*We are excited about Summer and in preparation for it, we purchased new patio furniture, but not without losing the first table we bought to those great Picnic Grounds in the Sky. It flew off the top of our Subaru. And was quickly trampled by a stampede of oncoming traffic.
*We are ending the end of CT5K, so Michael and I are avid runners. Well, if 30 minute spurts of running counts as avid.
*I'm slowly making my way through the BIBLE again. I thought I would be the first Catholic to read it all the way through. LOL. Just kidding!
Michael and I were able to attend a young couple's dinner at our church last Friday, which doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was, friends. It was. Our church is massive and we may not see the same people twice at Mass (even though we have been attending that Parish together for about 6 years) so getting to know people is challenging, especially to a socially challenged gal like me who doesn't know the first thing about putting herself out there. We met some great couples and had a fun time just pretending to be normal humans that stay up later than 9 o'clock (although our children would dispute that fact). We got to chat with our delightfully quirky priest and all was going well when Michael brought up the burger joint in Tulsa with the funny name. You know, Fudruckers? Ah, well, in this case, in the presence of Father Rick and after 2 Margaritas, it became F*ckrudders. Oh, what a laugh. And how handy we were mere feet from the confessional.
We have been dealing with an odor in our house for awhile now. First it was suspected to be dirty diapers in the garage, so we stopped using the trash can out there for that reason. Then it was mildew from an overflowing washing machine (documented in a previous blog, I believe). Today, Michael and I had the horrific thought that it was a Natural gas leak and we called someone to come inspect it. I lost my appetite, thinking: "This explains so much!" We have been smelling this odor all the time and if we have been breathing it in so much that accounts for why I am so tired and have headaches all the time!" Well, it turned out we just have a stinky house. I have searched up and down for the cause and I just came to the conclusion that having a stinky house is the result of living with 3 boys. Consequently, that must be the cause of my exhaustion and daily headaches.
That about sums things up for now because I actually get to go hang out with some of my friends tonight and leave my children home with daddy. Until then, I joined Twitter today about 3 years too late, so follow me! @TaviAriel
I'm so over Facebook after giving it up for Lent.
I'm not saying Twitter isn't a waste of time too, but at least it limits your time wasting to 140 characters or less.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
I confess!
It has been 2 weeks since Ash Wednesday, which means it has consequently also been 2 weeks since I logged onto Facebook. As I type that, I realize that doesn't sound very impressive, but I have come to realize just how much time during the day I was wasting just logging in, looking at pictures, etc. As a stay at home mom, sometimes that felt like my only connection to the adult world, but I felt strongly that to give Facebook up for Lent could be nothing but beneficial for me. I have been forced to find ways to purposefully fill my days. No, my house isn't any cleaner, but I have played more often with my children and in more inventive ways. I have found surprisingly effective work- out equipment in the form of my husband's heavy backpack (great for squats) and my son's toy chest (leg presses) Sounds crazy, right? Laugh all you want, but after two children, I am still boasting the best body I've had since my teens.
I went to my first confession last night. Yes the "Bless me Father, for I have sinned" kind. I realize that many of my Protestant friends and family could be unsure or morally question this practice. Let me just say this: we can all acknowledge that God has given us tools here on Earth to allow us to experience and know Him in deeper ways. For example, marriage is one of these tools. The institution of marriage is constantly requiring that you put your spouse's needs above your own. A Sacramental marriage requires that there be 3 members in the marriage; you, your spouse, and Christ. These stipulations, if followed sincerely, can only lead to a deeper love and understanding of Christ which allows you to better love your spouse. These kinds of tools are recognized by the Catholic Church as Sacraments, and defined as an "efficacious signs of grace, instituted by Christ and entrusted to the Church, by which divine life is dispensed to us." There are 7 of these recognized by the Church
I went to my first confession last night. Yes the "Bless me Father, for I have sinned" kind. I realize that many of my Protestant friends and family could be unsure or morally question this practice. Let me just say this: we can all acknowledge that God has given us tools here on Earth to allow us to experience and know Him in deeper ways. For example, marriage is one of these tools. The institution of marriage is constantly requiring that you put your spouse's needs above your own. A Sacramental marriage requires that there be 3 members in the marriage; you, your spouse, and Christ. These stipulations, if followed sincerely, can only lead to a deeper love and understanding of Christ which allows you to better love your spouse. These kinds of tools are recognized by the Catholic Church as Sacraments, and defined as an "efficacious signs of grace, instituted by Christ and entrusted to the Church, by which divine life is dispensed to us." There are 7 of these recognized by the Church
- Baptism (Christening)
- Confirmation (Chrismation)
- Holy Eucharist
- Penance (Confession)
- Anointing of the Sick (known prior to the Second Vatican Council as Extreme Unction (or more literally from Latin: Last Anointing), then seen as part of the "Last Rites")
- Holy Orders
- Matrimony (Marriage)
From this list, I have personally received the Sacraments of Baptism, Penance, and Matrimony, and in a few weeks I will receive Confirmation and Holy Eucharist for the first time. I have experienced Christ in such different ways through each Sacrament, and I am so blessed to feel like I am learning new things about God and my relationship with Him.
Let me just clarify; I did not pay the priest for an indulgence, nor did he personally "forgive" my sins. I didn't sin against him in the first place, so how could he? He listened to me, he prayed with and for me, and as the mouthpiece of God he reminded me that I was forgiven and gave me some advice on how to overcome the sin in my life. I know Protestants have accountability groups and other ways that they deal with struggles and sins, and that is great. I have to admit though, having done both, I can't describe in words the difference. There is something about humbling yourself (and yes, it's embarrassing) and telling a priest your sins; in my mind it paralleled the shame that we should feel when we sin against God and how dirty it should make us feel. I say "should" because I had this mindset as a Protetsant to sin, automatically ask forgiveness, forget about it, and go my merry way. I thought that because God forgave me and forgot my sins, I had the same right. But how can we truly experience the relief and grace of His forgiveness if we don't fully acknowledge the depravity of our sins? Every time we sin, it is like driving a nail into a piece of fine furniture. We can ask for forgiveness and take the nail out, and we will be forgiven. However, there is still a giant hole in the furniture. What to do? If we recognize our sins here on earth and have taken the steps to deal with them by confessing and sinning no more, God can begin to repair that hole by His restorative grace. It is hard to understand because most of us don't see the earthly consequences of our sins. We may never know the result of our gossiping or lying, but that doesn't mean there aren't consequences in our souls. When God grants us his forgiveness, he also begins the longer process of fixing the hole and healing the damage we have done to ourselves or others by sinning by prompting us to change personal habits or to repair relationships. This healing process could take years though, and since we do continue to sin until our dying day, what happens when we die and have sinned and God hasn't had time to "repair the damage?" This my friends, is the point of Purgatory. Purgatory isn't a dingy little waiting room where we sit 5 years for every sin we ever committed. It is a state of being; it is the place/time when we are made new and perfect and worthy to enter the presence of God for eternity. It is His final extension of grace to our sinful hearts. And for this kind of grace I am so grateful. I would be nothing without it. Amen.
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