My Thoughts On The Recent SCOTUS Ruling On Gay Marriage

Every one deserves to be loved and to love who they want. Actually it's not a choice, we are commanded to love everyone. "A new commandment I give you- love one another. As I have loved you, you must love one another." John 13:34

 To deny someone love would be akin to denying someone oxygen. We were created by God with an intense desire for love, because He is love, and He created us to desire Him.

Here's a problem: we live in a culture that now equates love with sex. Sexual orientation aside, I'm sure we've all noticed this.

Here's another problem: most heterosexual married couples don't realize the sacredness of the union that they have entered, and therefore play into the supposition that marriage is simply a legal way to share your money with someone and have sex with them. Is that all it is? If it was, it would be so easy to say "Marriage for all!"

I have nothing against members of the LGBT community- many that I have met are very deep, caring, creative, exuberant people. Misunderstood people. Hurt people. They need lots of love. They live in a culture where many Christians very rudely and hurtfully brush them off out of fear or ignorance, not knowing they they themselves aren't living the lives they claim to be living. I am so sorry for that.

My Church teaches now and always has that marriage is to be a Sacrament. While not all married couples choose to use it this way, it is intended be used as a means to allow you to drive your partner closer to Christ and to be an example of His love to the world. While we share things like bank accounts and beds, the first and most important reason for taking a spouse it to sanctify and be sanctified. It's actually kind of a painful process at times. Those male/female misunderstandings that we all like to joke about (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) are all just part of the way that God created us. He designed us to rub each other the wrong way sometimes in order that we could teach each other how to die to self and serve each other just as He died for and served His church.

Sex: So here's the thing. My church likes sex. It encourages you to have sex. But only within certain guidelines is this allowed. 

We obviously don't feel the need to have sex with everyone that we love; there are all types of love. Love between friends, parents and children, grandparents, and so on. I think we would all agree that to show love to everyone the same way we show love to our spouse would be unnecessary and unhealthy for many reasons. 

My church teaches that using birth control is wrong. Let me clarify: She doesn't don't say you can't control the spacing of your children or even the number you have if you have moral reason for doing so, but She does teach that it is darn near impossible to have that sacramental marriage if you and your spouse are using contraception. 

Let me explain: a marriage relationship is the closest tangible example on this earth of Christ's love for us and for his Church. I mean, the act of sexual intercourse itself is called "pro-creation", meaning that the members of the marriage are working together with the Holy Spirit to make a new life; the physical elements from the parents, the soul from God. When you place a barrier or an impediment in to prevent sex from coming to its natural end (babies), you aren't giving an accurate representation of God's selfless and perfect love to the world. He didn't hold anything back from us, even to the point of death. We should love our spouses this fully.

My church teaches that using natural methods of family planning is morally acceptable. Being aware of your fertile times so you can avoid intercourse on those days so as not to become pregnant is very effective (99.7 % actually :)

Problems:

A woman's most fertile times in her cycle are also when her libido is at its peak. Every month my husband and I have to make the sacrifice to abstain from sex when we most want it because we know the outcome of sex at that time would most likely be a baby. This is hard, but aligns our marriage to the teaching that a sacramental marriage is both for unification AND procreation.You can't have one without the other, at each marital act.  Being open to the prospect of new life if God chose to intervene, as well as taking care of the bodies He has given us as man and woman is incredibly necessary to maintaining a respect for the sanctity of life and marriage in a sacramental context.

How is this different that just using birth control?

All forms of birth control that  include mutilating a perfectly functioning part of your reproductive system, or taking pills to prevent a woman from ovulating, or inserting devices into a woman's cervix to prevent an embryo from implanting, or even wearing a condom to prevent nature from taking its course all have one thing in common: they place pleasure at the forefront. Pleasure is great- it's just not the point.

There are natural laws which we all must abide by or there will be natural consequences-pregnancy or otherwise. The world teaches us that we are entitled to sex at all times, but we all know what happens when a person is a glutton for food. Why would this mindset not also be detrimental to us in terms of our sexuality? Sex all the time....this pretty much boils YOU down to your genitalia. YOU who were fearfully and wonderfully made. You who are unique and amazing. You aren't anything if you aren't sexy.

Moderation teaches us a deeper love- it teaches us that if we learn to control our biological urges for a greater good, we can use this self sacrifice as a demonstration of an even deeper, selfless love for both our spouse and for God. So it's not about who you have sex with, it's about who you want to have sex with all the time and don't because you are both seeking to demonstrate Christ's love to the world. 

So if I, a married woman, am not "entitled" to sex whenever I want it, what makes anyone else different?


Some of us have been called to the vocation of marriage. If you have been called to this vocation, sex will play a part in that calling. If you have been called to be single, sex should not play a part in that calling for the reasons that we talked about, and God will provide the grace you need to stay chaste in this hyper-sexualized world. I have awesome priest friends who rock the celibate priestly vocation by the grace of God every day.You may be gay, and if so, you may struggle with what to do with your sexuality, especially in a world that tells you that you have to have sex to matter. Let me say that is NOT true. You are loved, and you can love, without sex ever entering into the equation. I know this is hard, but there are many people who would support you should you choose to take this step.

So all this to say- I'm not going to judge my friends who take the birth control pill any more or less than my friends who are gay. It's not the way God intended love to be expressed in ether situation, but I don't see many people picketing married couples who use contraception. That would be ignorant and hurtful. It's my job to speak the truth in LOVE (which is a language that we all understand) and pray that God's truth meets and transforms all of us where we are right now.

An Ode & Farewell To My Starter Home

To the home that I was so proud to call mine when I was a baby college student; freshly married:

You sheltered my honey and I from the bitter cold winters and we had plenty of room to spread our wings in our new-found freedom.

We got to decorate how ever we wanted, and thankfully we made it count, because little did we know we wouldn't do a darn update to you in the 6 years we lived here. (I guess you could call replacing roofs and AC units upgrades, but certainly not FUN ones!)

You saw my honey and I bring out the best in each other, along with the worst. You saw Him become a doctor and you saw me give up working to become a stay at home mom. You saw lonely sleepless nights when He was working and the small ones just needed me, and I had nothing left to give.

You were there when our children were conceived and when we brought them home from the hospital. You watched as we became parents for the first time and realized through lots of tears that we had no idea what we were doing. You watched as we brought our second baby home, a little more experienced and not quite so terrified. You watched as we brought our third baby home, seasoned warriors thrilled to be expanding our family; the love we once shared as a couple had grown and manifested itself in 3 very small, yet adorable blonde-haired boys.

Quicker than the blink of an eye, we grew much too large for your 1100 square foot confines. I suppose the number of baby items overflowing from the closets and blocking the flow of traffic in the living room was simply a reflection of the love that was overflowing in our hearts.

While my farewell to you, house, lies somewhere between a "Good Riddance" and a teary good-bye, I can't say that I will miss that toilet that never really flushed, or the ants that we just couldn't get rid of, or how we could set our watches by how you forced us to empty our bank accounts to fix yet another problem, every year around the same time. However, you have given us the gift of a place to hide when life seemed to be too much. You have stood strong, through hail and wind, tornados and earthquakes, since 1959. While you don't meet our needs anymore, and it is time to move on in a few days, house, I pray that whoever takes our place here is as blessed as we were within these walls. The days that we will look back on oh, so fondly when we are old and gray, will be the days that we spent in this house. For that, tiny little house on Orlando, I love you.

Tavi

Holy Week Or Bust! P.S.- I've Already Failed

It's 11 PM on Good Friday. So far, I feel I have failed at Holy Week 2015.

Due to my husband's work schedule and the fact that I have 3 small children that I can't wrangle solo in church yet, I haven't and won't be attending any Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, or Easter Vigil services. I will be lucky to be able to get my munchkins rounded up in time to meet my lovely mother in law for an early Easter Mass on Sunday. I was feeling sad about this for a bit, because as a new Catholic (Just celebrated my 2 year anniversary on March 30! ) I find great meaning in the fact that the Catholic Church doesn't just "skip" to Easter. In fact, the Universal Church has been in a penitential season for the last (almost) 40 days. Sing with me..."Forty Days and Forty Nights....." Sorry, I couldn't resist :) Anyway, I find that the joy of Easter is re-enforced so strongly by the time that we spend during Lent fasting, abstaining, creating Holy habits,  or even simply examining our consciences. Without this desert, there would be no oasis. Yet again, I'm taking these words very literally, and comparing the goings-on of my own life to the Liturgical Calendar, as if to find clarity. Good Friday. Not really a "good' day for Jesus, by any means, but such a breathtakingly beautiful day for we who believe. Today we solemnly remember the horror He endured for us.

Now I'm going to move this in a different direction.

We have had our house on the market for 11 days now. We have had 9 showing requests. I have cleaned, REALLY CLEANED my house 8 times in the last 11 days. All the while, my children are in the house with me... How does that work, one might ask? It doesn't. All I can say is that after our 2nd showing, we came home and to our surprise, found that one of our precious angels had gone #2 and failed to flush it....right before we rushed out the door to let the potential home-buyers search every nook and cranny of our home. You know they saw it....

Michael is about to finish working Week 1 of his 3 week stretch. This particular booger of a schedule only comes about every 3 months, and it always seem to coincide with something crazy going on in our life, and because he is essentially MIA, I am left to abide in, and therefore attempt to get a handle said craziness on my own. For example, Martin was a week old during one of his dad's "3 Weekers". I was running a toddler and newborn circus on my own for 3 weeks. But guess what? We made it. I do think God uses these times to bring out the worst in me, and try to teach me how to react in a more grace-filled manner. He tries. I put up a good fight. I am in such need of His grace.

I'm exhausted. As this tiring week comes to a close, and the weekend seems to hold even less rest than the week preceding it, I think about the two Family Easters I have to get the kids to by myself, I think about the real estate showings I have to keep the house clean for and the church services I need to make it on time to, I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep, and/or cry. As I begin this long journey to Sunday until I see my husband again my family is together again, I offer up my insignificant inconveniences in unity with the sufferings of Our Lord. Day by Day. That may sound ridiculous, but those sufferings are all that I have to offer. I'm not very exciting. I live an average life and have average experiences. While I am biased and feel that I'm the MOST blessed wife and mom on the planet, and that EVERYTHING that happens to and in my family is the coolest and most awesome, it's not. Many days I just want to bang my head against the wall and fast forward a few hours to bed time so I can have some quiet time before falling into bed.

And yet, Christ wants me and my reality. Not the reality that we create for ourselves (Facebook, Instagram, anyone??) The mundane is my reality, and He wants it. What a precious gift that He finds joy in what we find so dreary. I will gladly give Him my ashes in exchange for something beautiful.

Sometimes I put the puzzle pieces together. Sometimes, I am allowed the grace to even realize that every time I refrain from complaining about my uncomfortable situation and pray for God to be present in my situation instead, that something is being made new in my spirit. I'm not saying I do this every time, and I'm not saying I won't be tempted to complain many more times before the weekend is up, but I'm giving it a shot.

Tavi

I'm A Kleenex, And I Like Coffee

I'm on my second cup of coffee this morning. This doesn't sound too extreme, but I have quickly morphed from a non-coffee drinker to a 2 cup-a day-drinker. Next week I may as well just add cream and sugar to the pot and drop a straw in. I've got 3 kids in various stages of sickness, so I'm pretty much just a living, breathing Kleenex that happens to have arms and legs. That's lucky for them, too, because a Kleenex with arms is pretty good at cuddling and rocking them to sleep when they sound like a coughing, angry seal at night. This Kleenex is also really good at getting up with all 3 children at various points throughout the night in order to adjust Child 1's pillows, reassure Child 2 after a scary Darth Vader Dream, or to feed Child 3.  Lucky for Child 3, this Kleenex also happens to have mammary glands. Child 3 also happens to have RSV just shy of being 4 months old, which is pretty rough to watch, so if you read this and are a praying person, shoot some our way, please!

I know I write about this every year around this time, but we certainly have the winter blues big time, and blogging is my coping mechanism. Bear with me. As silly as it sounds, I have determined that God uses the wasteland of Winter to annually remind me of how hopeless I am if I am not daily trading my sorrows for his grace, and the sorrows certainly make themselves abundantly known when you are stuck inside a small box with small children all winter.

I am reminded that I am not only able, but also instructed to choose Joy in all circumstances as a Christian. I am also reminded that I have such a long way to go in this department, because every year at this time I find myself despairing, complaining, and being a somewhat miserable human being. About halfway through the Winter Season, I discover that I am making things much worse by being miserable, and I throw myself upon the grace of Christ, mere minutes before checking myself into therapy. Why do I wait so long? Why don't I think to do this in the first place? He has time and time again rescued me from the war inside my head, and restored the seemingly wasted days. I can only ask for forgiveness for not trusting Him, and move on. But when am I going to LEARN? For real, tho.

So, how am I going to choose to live abundantly in the midst of chaos this year?

Here is my list:

1) When I open my cupboards and assorted items fall on my head because they are so tiny and crammed WAY too full, I will choose to laugh instead of cry and/or think an expletive.

2) When the knobs (yet again) break off the bathtub, and you have a pair of pliers permanently affixed to the little stubs in order to turn the bath on and off, I will not let that keep me awake at night. I mean, it kind of like camping, right?

3) When I have a 14 hour day ahead of me because the hubs often works long hours, and it's cold outside and the kids are sick so you can't even leave the house or  have a friend over for fear of infecting them with toddler germs, I will go buy yarn and teach myself to crochet, dangit, instead of losing my ever loving mind, pulling out huge chunks of my own hair, and allowing my children to exist solely on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a week straight. Oh wait, it may be too late for that...I am learning to crochet though.

Tiny house moms unite! If you've never lived in a 1000 square foot or less home with multiple small children, you'll just never quite understand this special pain. Nap time doesn't exist. Not because your kids aren't crazy tired, but because every slight noise is amplified in such a tiny space, and a sneeze from the living room travels to the bedroom and wakes said children up. Actually, they wake each other up because they try to play instead of sleep. I've often wondered if my life is some kind of special purgatory reserved only for stay at home moms....I do love my kids to the moon and back. I just want to hide from them sometimes.

I tried putting them in separate rooms- One in the nursery, one in my room, and one in the office in a pack and play. That's all the rooms, folks.  They can pretty much still talk to each other through the walls, so there goes that idea.

I encourage myself when I go to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryers that next year, I won't have to do laundry in a 20 degree garage, finally, after 6 years! I imagine a world in which all the floor vents are functional and all the rooms in my house are the same temperature. It's a glorious world!

I imagine a paradise in which we live so close to my husband's place of employment that when he calls and tell me he is on his way home after a grueling day, it's not another hour and a half until he actually reaches our house.

So all that to say, that I'm caffeinated and I'm choosing not to complain today. You should try it too. We'll see how that goes tomorrow.


Tavi