It's easy for me to type that title this morning. I haven't had a fight with my husband recently. We're on good terms right now. I'm getting caught up on housework while my parents have my 2 oldest children out on a fun day. This isn't my norm, though, and I doubt that it's yours. Recently there have been more times than not that my spouse and I have been out of sorts. Not on the same wavelength. Speaking words that tear down and don't build up. Sadly, that had become our norm. It happens to all of us, by no fault of our own. We get into the habit of neglecting ourselves when we become parents, and because marriage is "Me" fully giving myself to my spouse, it stands to reason that our marriages would suffer because of that as well. Am I saying that we need to stop sacrificing ourselves for the sake of our children??
Of course not, but we HAVE to be aware of how the dynamics of a relationship can shift and change as we undertake the journey of parenting. Of marriage. Of our Christian journey. We can't bury our heads in the sand and pretend that it just isn't happening. This is possibly the most damaging thing you could choose to do for your marriage.
Do we mourn when we realize that marriage may not look like we envisioned it to? Absolutely.
Do we tell ourselves that "divorce just isn't an option" in desperate hopes of repairing something that we just don't have it in ourselves to repair?
Let me be frank: Divorce most certainly IS an option. I didn't make it that way, nor did you. But our society has made it so, and so it is. Just because we are women of faith doesn't make us exempt from that. Some of you may have already fought this particular battle and may even be creating a new life for yourself, unexpectedly, alone. Or alone with kids.
Saying that divorce isn't an option is a good start, but it fails to provide us with the tools that we actually need when things get scary. It's so tempting to throw out the "D" word when things get downright painful. When neither man or wife knows how to "fix it". When you're at a stalemate. For months. Years.
The pain is real and isolating and gut wrenching and overwhelming.
I have a dear friend who said it best..(and I'm paraphrasing) "Men could never understand the thunder and lightning constantly filling a woman's heart. " And that's true. And that sounds like a key to disaster, honestly. How can a marriage work when a woman feels emotions so strongly and has a strong need to articulate them lest she burst, and her hubby just isn't having it? Or if she is so sensitive to those around her that it can be debilitating at times, but when she tries to make her husband understand, he just stares blankly? Or even worse, takes it as an attack on him and lashes out?
God gives us all strengths and weaknesses. Some of these are distributed via gender, some by accumulation over the course of prayer, some are just doled out by the grace of God. But guess what? Whichever strengths that you have, your spouse is guaranteed to have almost none of the same ones and will have strengths quite opposite of yours.
This works great when things are complementary. When he works for the family and comes home and you have a home cooked meal for him and a clean house and squeaky clean kids. Score!
Also, this works great when your family is fighting a battle (financial, spiritual, family related), and he takes on the role of leader and protector. I'm sorry, but there is nothing more awe inspiring and attractive than that, ladies. :)
Again, this is not the norm, and I am sure that we only get to experience these things once or twice a year so that we know what we are missing the rest of the time and have something to strive for. I kid. Maybe.
But what happens when your strengths, or spiritual gifts, seem to "butt heads"?
What if your strength and deepest desire is to philosophize on your faith journey, or what your husband's words and actions mean to you, and how you felt about your interactions with society that day, or how you can change your relationship for the better ?
And what if his strength is being a provider, which he has just come home from a long day of being, and just wants some dang silence, or some intimacy? And well, you have had 3 kids climbing you and pooping on you from head to toe since 7 that morning?
These strengths don't seem so obviously to complement, rather they seem to drive you further from each other.
This leads to hurt feelings and nasty words and left untouched, this can spell the end of a marriage.
If you find yourself in a situation like this, please get an outside perspective from someone that you trust and that has the best interest of your marriage at heart. Whether it be a counselor, or a trusted friend or a mom.
Also: Utilize that village. And if there is no village, make one. Pray and plead that God will bring women into your life to support as they in turn support you.
The more I get to know other moms, the more I realize how lonely we all are. There is no village for us in today's society. We are forced to do the hardest job we have ever tackled with very minimal support. Not that our own mom's aren't amazing and our husbands helpful. But having other women who just "know" is one of the most important gifts you could be given. A place to vent, and an outlet for that "thunder and lightening" so to speak.
In your journey to strengthen or fix your marriage, first focus on cultivating your spiritual strengths and gifts. It came as a surprise to me to discover that doing this may require me to heed advice from people that weren't my husband. I used to think that "who better to take my problems or questions to than my husband? " He IS my partner in life.
But if you have lost yourselves mamas, then how can you be his "other half"?
1) Give yourself the time to heal through Godly counseling and prayer. Get rid of that hurt, no matter how long it takes. Share the details that you can with your husband, but don't drown him in the details.
2) Strengthen yourself with spiritual disciplines. Prayer, adoration, and living your life and seeking counsel from those who share your faith and your journey is an amazingly underutilized tool in our society today.
3) Be honest with your spouse and don't try to rush the healing process. Just recommit to each other for the next leg of the journey.
It takes a village to raise a child, and I posit that it also takes a village to make a marriage work.
So let's start with prayer for our husbands, then for ourselves, and then for those around us that we can all be for each other what we need to be.
Hebrews 10:24-25 “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,"
In conclusion:
I am your witness, as you are mine. I'm watching you, as you are me. Our kids are watching us. People that we don't even know are watching us. The saints of old are watching us and cheering us on. Don't give up! To paraphrase my friend again "I'll be your umbrella when life is dumping on you, and you'll be mine" Let's keep pressing on ladies :)
Tavi
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Friday, June 26, 2015
My Thoughts On The Recent SCOTUS Ruling On Gay Marriage
Every one deserves to be loved and to love who they want. Actually it's not a choice, we are commanded to love everyone. "A new commandment I give you- love one another. As I have loved you, you must love one another." John 13:34
To deny someone love would be akin to denying someone oxygen. We were created by God with an intense desire for love, because He is love, and He created us to desire Him.
Here's a problem: we live in a culture that now equates love with sex. Sexual orientation aside, I'm sure we've all noticed this.
Here's another problem: most heterosexual married couples don't realize the sacredness of the union that they have entered, and therefore play into the supposition that marriage is simply a legal way to share your money with someone and have sex with them. Is that all it is? If it was, it would be so easy to say "Marriage for all!"
I have nothing against members of the LGBT community- many that I have met are very deep, caring, creative, exuberant people. Misunderstood people. Hurt people. They need lots of love. They live in a culture where many Christians very rudely and hurtfully brush them off out of fear or ignorance, not knowing they they themselves aren't living the lives they claim to be living. I am so sorry for that.
My Church teaches now and always has that marriage is to be a Sacrament. While not all married couples choose to use it this way, it is intended be used as a means to allow you to drive your partner closer to Christ and to be an example of His love to the world. While we share things like bank accounts and beds, the first and most important reason for taking a spouse it to sanctify and be sanctified. It's actually kind of a painful process at times. Those male/female misunderstandings that we all like to joke about (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) are all just part of the way that God created us. He designed us to rub each other the wrong way sometimes in order that we could teach each other how to die to self and serve each other just as He died for and served His church.
Sex: So here's the thing. My church likes sex. It encourages you to have sex. But only within certain guidelines is this allowed.
We obviously don't feel the need to have sex with everyone that we love; there are all types of love. Love between friends, parents and children, grandparents, and so on. I think we would all agree that to show love to everyone the same way we show love to our spouse would be unnecessary and unhealthy for many reasons.
My church teaches that using birth control is wrong. Let me clarify: She doesn't don't say you can't control the spacing of your children or even the number you have if you have moral reason for doing so, but She does teach that it is darn near impossible to have that sacramental marriage if you and your spouse are using contraception.
Let me explain: a marriage relationship is the closest tangible example on this earth of Christ's love for us and for his Church. I mean, the act of sexual intercourse itself is called "pro-creation", meaning that the members of the marriage are working together with the Holy Spirit to make a new life; the physical elements from the parents, the soul from God. When you place a barrier or an impediment in to prevent sex from coming to its natural end (babies), you aren't giving an accurate representation of God's selfless and perfect love to the world. He didn't hold anything back from us, even to the point of death. We should love our spouses this fully.
My church teaches that using natural methods of family planning is morally acceptable. Being aware of your fertile times so you can avoid intercourse on those days so as not to become pregnant is very effective (99.7 % actually :)
My church teaches that using natural methods of family planning is morally acceptable. Being aware of your fertile times so you can avoid intercourse on those days so as not to become pregnant is very effective (99.7 % actually :)
Problems:
A woman's most fertile times in her cycle are also when her libido is at its peak. Every month my husband and I have to make the sacrifice to abstain from sex when we most want it because we know the outcome of sex at that time would most likely be a baby. This is hard, but aligns our marriage to the teaching that a sacramental marriage is both for unification AND procreation.You can't have one without the other, at each marital act. Being open to the prospect of new life if God chose to intervene, as well as taking care of the bodies He has given us as man and woman is incredibly necessary to maintaining a respect for the sanctity of life and marriage in a sacramental context.
How is this different that just using birth control?
All forms of birth control that include mutilating a perfectly functioning part of your reproductive system, or taking pills to prevent a woman from ovulating, or inserting devices into a woman's cervix to prevent an embryo from implanting, or even wearing a condom to prevent nature from taking its course all have one thing in common: they place pleasure at the forefront. Pleasure is great- it's just not the point.
There are natural laws which we all must abide by or there will be natural consequences-pregnancy or otherwise. The world teaches us that we are entitled to sex at all times, but we all know what happens when a person is a glutton for food. Why would this mindset not also be detrimental to us in terms of our sexuality? Sex all the time....this pretty much boils YOU down to your genitalia. YOU who were fearfully and wonderfully made. You who are unique and amazing. You aren't anything if you aren't sexy.
Moderation teaches us a deeper love- it teaches us that if we learn to control our biological urges for a greater good, we can use this self sacrifice as a demonstration of an even deeper, selfless love for both our spouse and for God. So it's not about who you have sex with, it's about who you want to have sex with all the time and don't because you are both seeking to demonstrate Christ's love to the world.
So if I, a married woman, am not "entitled" to sex whenever I want it, what makes anyone else different?
Some of us have been called to the vocation of marriage. If you have been called to this vocation, sex will play a part in that calling. If you have been called to be single, sex should not play a part in that calling for the reasons that we talked about, and God will provide the grace you need to stay chaste in this hyper-sexualized world. I have awesome priest friends who rock the celibate priestly vocation by the grace of God every day.You may be gay, and if so, you may struggle with what to do with your sexuality, especially in a world that tells you that you have to have sex to matter. Let me say that is NOT true. You are loved, and you can love, without sex ever entering into the equation. I know this is hard, but there are many people who would support you should you choose to take this step.
Some of us have been called to the vocation of marriage. If you have been called to this vocation, sex will play a part in that calling. If you have been called to be single, sex should not play a part in that calling for the reasons that we talked about, and God will provide the grace you need to stay chaste in this hyper-sexualized world. I have awesome priest friends who rock the celibate priestly vocation by the grace of God every day.You may be gay, and if so, you may struggle with what to do with your sexuality, especially in a world that tells you that you have to have sex to matter. Let me say that is NOT true. You are loved, and you can love, without sex ever entering into the equation. I know this is hard, but there are many people who would support you should you choose to take this step.
So all this to say- I'm not going to judge my friends who take the birth control pill any more or less than my friends who are gay. It's not the way God intended love to be expressed in ether situation, but I don't see many people picketing married couples who use contraception. That would be ignorant and hurtful. It's my job to speak the truth in LOVE (which is a language that we all understand) and pray that God's truth meets and transforms all of us where we are right now.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
An Ode & Farewell To My Starter Home
To the home that I was so proud to call mine when I was a baby college student; freshly married:
You sheltered my honey and I from the bitter cold winters and we had plenty of room to spread our wings in our new-found freedom.
We got to decorate how ever we wanted, and thankfully we made it count, because little did we know we wouldn't do a darn update to you in the 6 years we lived here. (I guess you could call replacing roofs and AC units upgrades, but certainly not FUN ones!)
You saw my honey and I bring out the best in each other, along with the worst. You saw Him become a doctor and you saw me give up working to become a stay at home mom. You saw lonely sleepless nights when He was working and the small ones just needed me, and I had nothing left to give.
You were there when our children were conceived and when we brought them home from the hospital. You watched as we became parents for the first time and realized through lots of tears that we had no idea what we were doing. You watched as we brought our second baby home, a little more experienced and not quite so terrified. You watched as we brought our third baby home, seasoned warriors thrilled to be expanding our family; the love we once shared as a couple had grown and manifested itself in 3 very small, yet adorable blonde-haired boys.
Quicker than the blink of an eye, we grew much too large for your 1100 square foot confines. I suppose the number of baby items overflowing from the closets and blocking the flow of traffic in the living room was simply a reflection of the love that was overflowing in our hearts.
While my farewell to you, house, lies somewhere between a "Good Riddance" and a teary good-bye, I can't say that I will miss that toilet that never really flushed, or the ants that we just couldn't get rid of, or how we could set our watches by how you forced us to empty our bank accounts to fix yet another problem, every year around the same time. However, you have given us the gift of a place to hide when life seemed to be too much. You have stood strong, through hail and wind, tornados and earthquakes, since 1959. While you don't meet our needs anymore, and it is time to move on in a few days, house, I pray that whoever takes our place here is as blessed as we were within these walls. The days that we will look back on oh, so fondly when we are old and gray, will be the days that we spent in this house. For that, tiny little house on Orlando, I love you.
Tavi
You sheltered my honey and I from the bitter cold winters and we had plenty of room to spread our wings in our new-found freedom.
We got to decorate how ever we wanted, and thankfully we made it count, because little did we know we wouldn't do a darn update to you in the 6 years we lived here. (I guess you could call replacing roofs and AC units upgrades, but certainly not FUN ones!)
You saw my honey and I bring out the best in each other, along with the worst. You saw Him become a doctor and you saw me give up working to become a stay at home mom. You saw lonely sleepless nights when He was working and the small ones just needed me, and I had nothing left to give.
You were there when our children were conceived and when we brought them home from the hospital. You watched as we became parents for the first time and realized through lots of tears that we had no idea what we were doing. You watched as we brought our second baby home, a little more experienced and not quite so terrified. You watched as we brought our third baby home, seasoned warriors thrilled to be expanding our family; the love we once shared as a couple had grown and manifested itself in 3 very small, yet adorable blonde-haired boys.
Quicker than the blink of an eye, we grew much too large for your 1100 square foot confines. I suppose the number of baby items overflowing from the closets and blocking the flow of traffic in the living room was simply a reflection of the love that was overflowing in our hearts.
While my farewell to you, house, lies somewhere between a "Good Riddance" and a teary good-bye, I can't say that I will miss that toilet that never really flushed, or the ants that we just couldn't get rid of, or how we could set our watches by how you forced us to empty our bank accounts to fix yet another problem, every year around the same time. However, you have given us the gift of a place to hide when life seemed to be too much. You have stood strong, through hail and wind, tornados and earthquakes, since 1959. While you don't meet our needs anymore, and it is time to move on in a few days, house, I pray that whoever takes our place here is as blessed as we were within these walls. The days that we will look back on oh, so fondly when we are old and gray, will be the days that we spent in this house. For that, tiny little house on Orlando, I love you.
Tavi
Friday, April 3, 2015
Holy Week Or Bust! P.S.- I've Already Failed
It's 11 PM on Good Friday. So far, I feel I have failed at Holy Week 2015.
Due to my husband's work schedule and the fact that I have 3 small children that I can't wrangle solo in church yet, I haven't and won't be attending any Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, or Easter Vigil services. I will be lucky to be able to get my munchkins rounded up in time to meet my lovely mother in law for an early Easter Mass on Sunday. I was feeling sad about this for a bit, because as a new Catholic (Just celebrated my 2 year anniversary on March 30! ) I find great meaning in the fact that the Catholic Church doesn't just "skip" to Easter. In fact, the Universal Church has been in a penitential season for the last (almost) 40 days. Sing with me..."Forty Days and Forty Nights....." Sorry, I couldn't resist :) Anyway, I find that the joy of Easter is re-enforced so strongly by the time that we spend during Lent fasting, abstaining, creating Holy habits, or even simply examining our consciences. Without this desert, there would be no oasis. Yet again, I'm taking these words very literally, and comparing the goings-on of my own life to the Liturgical Calendar, as if to find clarity. Good Friday. Not really a "good' day for Jesus, by any means, but such a breathtakingly beautiful day for we who believe. Today we solemnly remember the horror He endured for us.
Now I'm going to move this in a different direction.
We have had our house on the market for 11 days now. We have had 9 showing requests. I have cleaned, REALLY CLEANED my house 8 times in the last 11 days. All the while, my children are in the house with me... How does that work, one might ask? It doesn't. All I can say is that after our 2nd showing, we came home and to our surprise, found that one of our precious angels had gone #2 and failed to flush it....right before we rushed out the door to let the potential home-buyers search every nook and cranny of our home. You know they saw it....
Michael is about to finish working Week 1 of his 3 week stretch. This particular booger of a schedule only comes about every 3 months, and it always seem to coincide with something crazy going on in our life, and because he is essentially MIA, I am left to abide in, and therefore attempt to get a handle said craziness on my own. For example, Martin was a week old during one of his dad's "3 Weekers". I was running a toddler and newborn circus on my own for 3 weeks. But guess what? We made it. I do think God uses these times to bring out the worst in me, and try to teach me how to react in a more grace-filled manner. He tries. I put up a good fight. I am in such need of His grace.
I'm exhausted. As this tiring week comes to a close, and the weekend seems to hold even less rest than the week preceding it, I think about the two Family Easters I have to get the kids to by myself, I think about the real estate showings I have to keep the house clean for and the church services I need to make it on time to, I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep, and/or cry. As I begin this long journey to Sunday until I see my husband again my family is together again, I offer up my insignificant inconveniences in unity with the sufferings of Our Lord. Day by Day. That may sound ridiculous, but those sufferings are all that I have to offer. I'm not very exciting. I live an average life and have average experiences. While I am biased and feel that I'm the MOST blessed wife and mom on the planet, and that EVERYTHING that happens to and in my family is the coolest and most awesome, it's not. Many days I just want to bang my head against the wall and fast forward a few hours to bed time so I can have some quiet time before falling into bed.
And yet, Christ wants me and my reality. Not the reality that we create for ourselves (Facebook, Instagram, anyone??) The mundane is my reality, and He wants it. What a precious gift that He finds joy in what we find so dreary. I will gladly give Him my ashes in exchange for something beautiful.
Sometimes I put the puzzle pieces together. Sometimes, I am allowed the grace to even realize that every time I refrain from complaining about my uncomfortable situation and pray for God to be present in my situation instead, that something is being made new in my spirit. I'm not saying I do this every time, and I'm not saying I won't be tempted to complain many more times before the weekend is up, but I'm giving it a shot.
Tavi
Due to my husband's work schedule and the fact that I have 3 small children that I can't wrangle solo in church yet, I haven't and won't be attending any Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, or Easter Vigil services. I will be lucky to be able to get my munchkins rounded up in time to meet my lovely mother in law for an early Easter Mass on Sunday. I was feeling sad about this for a bit, because as a new Catholic (Just celebrated my 2 year anniversary on March 30! ) I find great meaning in the fact that the Catholic Church doesn't just "skip" to Easter. In fact, the Universal Church has been in a penitential season for the last (almost) 40 days. Sing with me..."Forty Days and Forty Nights....." Sorry, I couldn't resist :) Anyway, I find that the joy of Easter is re-enforced so strongly by the time that we spend during Lent fasting, abstaining, creating Holy habits, or even simply examining our consciences. Without this desert, there would be no oasis. Yet again, I'm taking these words very literally, and comparing the goings-on of my own life to the Liturgical Calendar, as if to find clarity. Good Friday. Not really a "good' day for Jesus, by any means, but such a breathtakingly beautiful day for we who believe. Today we solemnly remember the horror He endured for us.
Now I'm going to move this in a different direction.
We have had our house on the market for 11 days now. We have had 9 showing requests. I have cleaned, REALLY CLEANED my house 8 times in the last 11 days. All the while, my children are in the house with me... How does that work, one might ask? It doesn't. All I can say is that after our 2nd showing, we came home and to our surprise, found that one of our precious angels had gone #2 and failed to flush it....right before we rushed out the door to let the potential home-buyers search every nook and cranny of our home. You know they saw it....
Michael is about to finish working Week 1 of his 3 week stretch. This particular booger of a schedule only comes about every 3 months, and it always seem to coincide with something crazy going on in our life, and because he is essentially MIA, I am left to abide in, and therefore attempt to get a handle said craziness on my own. For example, Martin was a week old during one of his dad's "3 Weekers". I was running a toddler and newborn circus on my own for 3 weeks. But guess what? We made it. I do think God uses these times to bring out the worst in me, and try to teach me how to react in a more grace-filled manner. He tries. I put up a good fight. I am in such need of His grace.
I'm exhausted. As this tiring week comes to a close, and the weekend seems to hold even less rest than the week preceding it, I think about the two Family Easters I have to get the kids to by myself, I think about the real estate showings I have to keep the house clean for and the church services I need to make it on time to, I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep, and/or cry. As I begin this long journey to Sunday until I see my husband again my family is together again, I offer up my insignificant inconveniences in unity with the sufferings of Our Lord. Day by Day. That may sound ridiculous, but those sufferings are all that I have to offer. I'm not very exciting. I live an average life and have average experiences. While I am biased and feel that I'm the MOST blessed wife and mom on the planet, and that EVERYTHING that happens to and in my family is the coolest and most awesome, it's not. Many days I just want to bang my head against the wall and fast forward a few hours to bed time so I can have some quiet time before falling into bed.
And yet, Christ wants me and my reality. Not the reality that we create for ourselves (Facebook, Instagram, anyone??) The mundane is my reality, and He wants it. What a precious gift that He finds joy in what we find so dreary. I will gladly give Him my ashes in exchange for something beautiful.
Sometimes I put the puzzle pieces together. Sometimes, I am allowed the grace to even realize that every time I refrain from complaining about my uncomfortable situation and pray for God to be present in my situation instead, that something is being made new in my spirit. I'm not saying I do this every time, and I'm not saying I won't be tempted to complain many more times before the weekend is up, but I'm giving it a shot.
Tavi
Friday, February 6, 2015
I'm A Kleenex, And I Like Coffee
I'm on my second cup of coffee this morning. This doesn't sound too extreme, but I have quickly morphed from a non-coffee drinker to a 2 cup-a day-drinker. Next week I may as well just add cream and sugar to the pot and drop a straw in. I've got 3 kids in various stages of sickness, so I'm pretty much just a living, breathing Kleenex that happens to have arms and legs. That's lucky for them, too, because a Kleenex with arms is pretty good at cuddling and rocking them to sleep when they sound like a coughing, angry seal at night. This Kleenex is also really good at getting up with all 3 children at various points throughout the night in order to adjust Child 1's pillows, reassure Child 2 after a scary Darth Vader Dream, or to feed Child 3. Lucky for Child 3, this Kleenex also happens to have mammary glands. Child 3 also happens to have RSV just shy of being 4 months old, which is pretty rough to watch, so if you read this and are a praying person, shoot some our way, please!
I know I write about this every year around this time, but we certainly have the winter blues big time, and blogging is my coping mechanism. Bear with me. As silly as it sounds, I have determined that God uses the wasteland of Winter to annually remind me of how hopeless I am if I am not daily trading my sorrows for his grace, and the sorrows certainly make themselves abundantly known when you are stuck inside a small box with small children all winter.
I am reminded that I am not only able, but also instructed to choose Joy in all circumstances as a Christian. I am also reminded that I have such a long way to go in this department, because every year at this time I find myself despairing, complaining, and being a somewhat miserable human being. About halfway through the Winter Season, I discover that I am making things much worse by being miserable, and I throw myself upon the grace of Christ, mere minutes before checking myself into therapy. Why do I wait so long? Why don't I think to do this in the first place? He has time and time again rescued me from the war inside my head, and restored the seemingly wasted days. I can only ask for forgiveness for not trusting Him, and move on. But when am I going to LEARN? For real, tho.
So, how am I going to choose to live abundantly in the midst of chaos this year?
Here is my list:
1) When I open my cupboards and assorted items fall on my head because they are so tiny and crammed WAY too full, I will choose to laugh instead of cry and/or think an expletive.
2) When the knobs (yet again) break off the bathtub, and you have a pair of pliers permanently affixed to the little stubs in order to turn the bath on and off, I will not let that keep me awake at night. I mean, it kind of like camping, right?
3) When I have a 14 hour day ahead of me because the hubs often works long hours, and it's cold outside and the kids are sick so you can't even leave the house or have a friend over for fear of infecting them with toddler germs, I will go buy yarn and teach myself to crochet, dangit, instead of losing my ever loving mind, pulling out huge chunks of my own hair, and allowing my children to exist solely on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a week straight. Oh wait, it may be too late for that...I am learning to crochet though.
Tiny house moms unite! If you've never lived in a 1000 square foot or less home with multiple small children, you'll just never quite understand this special pain. Nap time doesn't exist. Not because your kids aren't crazy tired, but because every slight noise is amplified in such a tiny space, and a sneeze from the living room travels to the bedroom and wakes said children up. Actually, they wake each other up because they try to play instead of sleep. I've often wondered if my life is some kind of special purgatory reserved only for stay at home moms....I do love my kids to the moon and back. I just want to hide from them sometimes.
I tried putting them in separate rooms- One in the nursery, one in my room, and one in the office in a pack and play. That's all the rooms, folks. They can pretty much still talk to each other through the walls, so there goes that idea.
I encourage myself when I go to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryers that next year, I won't have to do laundry in a 20 degree garage, finally, after 6 years! I imagine a world in which all the floor vents are functional and all the rooms in my house are the same temperature. It's a glorious world!
I imagine a paradise in which we live so close to my husband's place of employment that when he calls and tell me he is on his way home after a grueling day, it's not another hour and a half until he actually reaches our house.
So all that to say, that I'm caffeinated and I'm choosing not to complain today. You should try it too. We'll see how that goes tomorrow.
Tavi
I know I write about this every year around this time, but we certainly have the winter blues big time, and blogging is my coping mechanism. Bear with me. As silly as it sounds, I have determined that God uses the wasteland of Winter to annually remind me of how hopeless I am if I am not daily trading my sorrows for his grace, and the sorrows certainly make themselves abundantly known when you are stuck inside a small box with small children all winter.
I am reminded that I am not only able, but also instructed to choose Joy in all circumstances as a Christian. I am also reminded that I have such a long way to go in this department, because every year at this time I find myself despairing, complaining, and being a somewhat miserable human being. About halfway through the Winter Season, I discover that I am making things much worse by being miserable, and I throw myself upon the grace of Christ, mere minutes before checking myself into therapy. Why do I wait so long? Why don't I think to do this in the first place? He has time and time again rescued me from the war inside my head, and restored the seemingly wasted days. I can only ask for forgiveness for not trusting Him, and move on. But when am I going to LEARN? For real, tho.
So, how am I going to choose to live abundantly in the midst of chaos this year?
Here is my list:
1) When I open my cupboards and assorted items fall on my head because they are so tiny and crammed WAY too full, I will choose to laugh instead of cry and/or think an expletive.
2) When the knobs (yet again) break off the bathtub, and you have a pair of pliers permanently affixed to the little stubs in order to turn the bath on and off, I will not let that keep me awake at night. I mean, it kind of like camping, right?
3) When I have a 14 hour day ahead of me because the hubs often works long hours, and it's cold outside and the kids are sick so you can't even leave the house or have a friend over for fear of infecting them with toddler germs, I will go buy yarn and teach myself to crochet, dangit, instead of losing my ever loving mind, pulling out huge chunks of my own hair, and allowing my children to exist solely on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a week straight. Oh wait, it may be too late for that...I am learning to crochet though.
Tiny house moms unite! If you've never lived in a 1000 square foot or less home with multiple small children, you'll just never quite understand this special pain. Nap time doesn't exist. Not because your kids aren't crazy tired, but because every slight noise is amplified in such a tiny space, and a sneeze from the living room travels to the bedroom and wakes said children up. Actually, they wake each other up because they try to play instead of sleep. I've often wondered if my life is some kind of special purgatory reserved only for stay at home moms....I do love my kids to the moon and back. I just want to hide from them sometimes.
I tried putting them in separate rooms- One in the nursery, one in my room, and one in the office in a pack and play. That's all the rooms, folks. They can pretty much still talk to each other through the walls, so there goes that idea.
I encourage myself when I go to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryers that next year, I won't have to do laundry in a 20 degree garage, finally, after 6 years! I imagine a world in which all the floor vents are functional and all the rooms in my house are the same temperature. It's a glorious world!
I imagine a paradise in which we live so close to my husband's place of employment that when he calls and tell me he is on his way home after a grueling day, it's not another hour and a half until he actually reaches our house.
So all that to say, that I'm caffeinated and I'm choosing not to complain today. You should try it too. We'll see how that goes tomorrow.
Tavi
Friday, December 12, 2014
Waiting For The Truth
Anticipation is making itself known in my life right now in many ways. This time of year has this effect on most people, for one reason or another. When I was young, I spent weeks excited about getting to open presents. My sister and I even slept under the Christmas tree the week leading up to Christmas just to have fun chattering under the twinkling lights well into the wee hours of the morning. Now, for me, this time of year is special in a different way. I get to watch my children and my nephews experience the magic of this time of year. I recently read an article comparing Advent (this season that the Church anticipates the birth of Our Lord) to those last, miserable weeks of pregnancy, and because I was in those shoes a mere 2 months ago, I remember vividly the absolute discomfort and dare I say it "hatred" of one's condition during that time. Yes, the miracle of new life is beautiful, but it comes with great cost to the mother. The author of this article was talking about how her nervousness about delivering her child subsided as her discomfort with her gravid state increased. It was an "I'll take anything but this" sort of attitude; a "gut me like a fish, and it will still be better than what I am feeling right now" sort of attitude. To those mommies who LOVED being pregnant until the last day and can't relate to this, bless you. I still don't think you are human, but bless you.
To me, this was the perfect way to illustrate how we as a race are doomed to experience life without the saving grace of Our Lord.
In order to be saved from ourselves, we must first become so sick and tired of the mess that we have made of things, the hopelessness of our condition, that we can no longer bear it. Our culture today teaches us to love ourselves and to celebrate our imperfections. While I do think that it is healthy to love yourself and not let other's opinions of you chip away at your self esteem, I also think that this attitude is so detrimental to a person of faith. There is a reason that we feel dissatisfied with parts of our lives. Christ is saying "You are not perfect, but I have come to make you perfect." Instead of hedonistically celebrating these imperfections (which are many times sins) to create a mask for ourselves which appears happy, but really isn't, we should be striving to hand those confusing/embarrassing/hurtful parts of our lives over to Christ so that He can show us His redemption, and that we can learn how to be truly joyful in Him.
This is LOVE. Not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 1 John 4:10
How do we love each other?
We mirror the actions that Christ showed to us, to others. We don't celebrate when we see them sinning or pat them on the back. It isn't love to show support to someone who is straying from our Creator. It is love to speak the truth to them (in kindness, of course).
We all have to be reminded from time to time that as much as good as we can get at rationalizing things, it is not the standards that we have set for ourselves that lead us to salvation. Christ came to save those who were lost, but how does that work if no one actually realizes that they are lost?
We all must seek the Truth, not only during this Advent Season, but throughout all the year. As families, as faith communities, and as friends, we must spur each other on to seek the fullness of Christ's truth and to proclaim it loudly in our actions and words.
Merry Christmas!
To me, this was the perfect way to illustrate how we as a race are doomed to experience life without the saving grace of Our Lord.
In order to be saved from ourselves, we must first become so sick and tired of the mess that we have made of things, the hopelessness of our condition, that we can no longer bear it. Our culture today teaches us to love ourselves and to celebrate our imperfections. While I do think that it is healthy to love yourself and not let other's opinions of you chip away at your self esteem, I also think that this attitude is so detrimental to a person of faith. There is a reason that we feel dissatisfied with parts of our lives. Christ is saying "You are not perfect, but I have come to make you perfect." Instead of hedonistically celebrating these imperfections (which are many times sins) to create a mask for ourselves which appears happy, but really isn't, we should be striving to hand those confusing/embarrassing/hurtful parts of our lives over to Christ so that He can show us His redemption, and that we can learn how to be truly joyful in Him.
This is LOVE. Not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 1 John 4:10
How do we love each other?
We mirror the actions that Christ showed to us, to others. We don't celebrate when we see them sinning or pat them on the back. It isn't love to show support to someone who is straying from our Creator. It is love to speak the truth to them (in kindness, of course).
We all have to be reminded from time to time that as much as good as we can get at rationalizing things, it is not the standards that we have set for ourselves that lead us to salvation. Christ came to save those who were lost, but how does that work if no one actually realizes that they are lost?
We all must seek the Truth, not only during this Advent Season, but throughout all the year. As families, as faith communities, and as friends, we must spur each other on to seek the fullness of Christ's truth and to proclaim it loudly in our actions and words.
Merry Christmas!
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
I NEED A Drink!
I am in a very dry place right now. And no, I'm not referring to the fact that I'm 33 weeks pregnant in the Summer in Oklahoma.
Lately, I have been struggling to find either the desire or energy to really seek God in my daily life. I even recognize that my mind is struggling to find distractions during the day so that I purposefully don't find the time to sit down and pray, and it's just downright annoying. It's obvious that there is nothing in this world that comes close to filling that God-shaped hole in us, besides, well, God.
I used to feel guilty when I would have dry spells like this. I would think " I have failed, yet again. I'm obviously not holy enough of a person to deserve the consistently close and awesome communion with God that I see others have. " Um, can you say prideful? To think that something I did or though or said would affect the Creator of the Universe's plans for His shaping of our relationship? On these days, I find myself longing for something deep, and luscious, and fulfilling, yet, I end up settling for a hurried "Our Father" before I fall asleep at night. I don't view this prayer as a magic fix all, but rather it is a very poor attempt to let God know that I am not walking around in vain, forgetting about Him. I am almost so ashamed that I cannot produce anything more than a 3 year old might say in his daily prayers that I almost don't want to try, so as not to subject myself to humiliation. But prayer isn't about me, is it? Is it possible that God has removed that consolation that we many times receive from prayer so as to encourage me to dig deeper into Him, His word? If you think about it, what is better than the feeling you get after you pour out your soul to God? You are at peace, you are on top of the world, you see solutions to problems that you previously hadn't seen. It's hard to describe, but it's a great place to be. So what happens when God doesn't allow you to feel that? If God is trying to shape and mold us into His image, it makes sense that He would use those sensory moments that are so powerful to us as humans to get our attention. He may use pleasure or pain to grab our attention in various ways. So to remove such a consolation as the one that we normally receive when we draw close to Him in order to cause us to walk a little further down the path, even closer to our source, is a rather flattering thought, is it not? Even if we are willing to settle for what has been working for us, He is not. He wants more. He realizes our potential, even if we do not. He desires more of us.
So how does one handle this feeling of rejection? To our human senses, it may seem as if God is eluding us, and with that sense of feeling alone, and maybe God not answering the door bell after the first ring, what does one do? What does a selfish, impatient girl like me do? The very selfish thing would be to just give up and wait until a big life event forces me to seek God's strength again. That is exactly what I used to do, though, and what I am trying to work through now, so as to learn a better way to deal with this.
I started re-reading Romans today. Since I recently traveled to Rome, I am hoping to be able to read Paul's words to the Christians there with different eyes. I visited a church there and saw the very chains he wore while writing some of his letters. (Picture below)
It helps to remind yourself that these heroes of our faith were that for a reason; they were real people, that traveled to real places, preaching a very real message. This message lives on very powerfully today through the body of Christ (the Church) and the actual Body and Blood of Christ (the Eucharist).
I find myself feeling ashamed many times because I stop and think "How am I REALLY identifying myself as a Christian?" and it's hard for me to answer.
As a stay at home mom, I have really struggled with this issue, because I don't come into contact with many people other than my children during the course of my day. I struggle with knowing whether or not I should be adding "Purposefully seek out the poor and needy during the course of my day" to my already overwhelmingly long daily list of things to do, or if I should just be tending to those that I encounter when I happen to be leaving Target and see a man holding a sign asking for money, and making sure that I am raising my children in the faith.
I have always been told "Bloom where you are planted", but I wonder if that is enough? If I have been "planted" in my house for a couple of years, raising children, that doesn't just give me a magic pass to not fulfill my Christian duties outside of the home anymore. No, I'm not trying to prove to God that I am good enough for Him, but I'm really just trying to evaluate if I'm doing my job, man.
John 13:34-35 says "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.35"By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
So loving one another is key. Not just tolerating each other. And when those thoughts try to sneak in and taint your views of each other, making someone seem annoying or less meaningful to you, that's a problem. Satan likes to erect invisible barriers between us, not that we all walk around having major issues with each other, but so that we THINK we all have issues among us, and this prevents us from working together as a unit.
I also think that it is essential to be prepared. By this I mean, have cash or gift cards on hand as ofter as possible. How easy is it to say "I can't help that homeless guy because I don't carry cash" Oh well.
That isn't necessarily right, is it? Just because it isn't our habit to carry cash doesn't mean we can pull some out of the ATM and have it for just those moments, because lets fact it, needy people are everywhere. And you just might notice them more if you have the tools to help them.
So I am being told by my children's crying that they are ready to do something fun and get out of the house, so thats all I can muster for today, but I hope it gives someone besides me a little food for thought.
Tavi
Lately, I have been struggling to find either the desire or energy to really seek God in my daily life. I even recognize that my mind is struggling to find distractions during the day so that I purposefully don't find the time to sit down and pray, and it's just downright annoying. It's obvious that there is nothing in this world that comes close to filling that God-shaped hole in us, besides, well, God.
I used to feel guilty when I would have dry spells like this. I would think " I have failed, yet again. I'm obviously not holy enough of a person to deserve the consistently close and awesome communion with God that I see others have. " Um, can you say prideful? To think that something I did or though or said would affect the Creator of the Universe's plans for His shaping of our relationship? On these days, I find myself longing for something deep, and luscious, and fulfilling, yet, I end up settling for a hurried "Our Father" before I fall asleep at night. I don't view this prayer as a magic fix all, but rather it is a very poor attempt to let God know that I am not walking around in vain, forgetting about Him. I am almost so ashamed that I cannot produce anything more than a 3 year old might say in his daily prayers that I almost don't want to try, so as not to subject myself to humiliation. But prayer isn't about me, is it? Is it possible that God has removed that consolation that we many times receive from prayer so as to encourage me to dig deeper into Him, His word? If you think about it, what is better than the feeling you get after you pour out your soul to God? You are at peace, you are on top of the world, you see solutions to problems that you previously hadn't seen. It's hard to describe, but it's a great place to be. So what happens when God doesn't allow you to feel that? If God is trying to shape and mold us into His image, it makes sense that He would use those sensory moments that are so powerful to us as humans to get our attention. He may use pleasure or pain to grab our attention in various ways. So to remove such a consolation as the one that we normally receive when we draw close to Him in order to cause us to walk a little further down the path, even closer to our source, is a rather flattering thought, is it not? Even if we are willing to settle for what has been working for us, He is not. He wants more. He realizes our potential, even if we do not. He desires more of us.
So how does one handle this feeling of rejection? To our human senses, it may seem as if God is eluding us, and with that sense of feeling alone, and maybe God not answering the door bell after the first ring, what does one do? What does a selfish, impatient girl like me do? The very selfish thing would be to just give up and wait until a big life event forces me to seek God's strength again. That is exactly what I used to do, though, and what I am trying to work through now, so as to learn a better way to deal with this.
I started re-reading Romans today. Since I recently traveled to Rome, I am hoping to be able to read Paul's words to the Christians there with different eyes. I visited a church there and saw the very chains he wore while writing some of his letters. (Picture below)
It helps to remind yourself that these heroes of our faith were that for a reason; they were real people, that traveled to real places, preaching a very real message. This message lives on very powerfully today through the body of Christ (the Church) and the actual Body and Blood of Christ (the Eucharist).
St. Paul's shackles (top box) and sarcophagus (below, behind grating)
I find myself feeling ashamed many times because I stop and think "How am I REALLY identifying myself as a Christian?" and it's hard for me to answer.
As a stay at home mom, I have really struggled with this issue, because I don't come into contact with many people other than my children during the course of my day. I struggle with knowing whether or not I should be adding "Purposefully seek out the poor and needy during the course of my day" to my already overwhelmingly long daily list of things to do, or if I should just be tending to those that I encounter when I happen to be leaving Target and see a man holding a sign asking for money, and making sure that I am raising my children in the faith.
I have always been told "Bloom where you are planted", but I wonder if that is enough? If I have been "planted" in my house for a couple of years, raising children, that doesn't just give me a magic pass to not fulfill my Christian duties outside of the home anymore. No, I'm not trying to prove to God that I am good enough for Him, but I'm really just trying to evaluate if I'm doing my job, man.
John 13:34-35 says "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.35"By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
So loving one another is key. Not just tolerating each other. And when those thoughts try to sneak in and taint your views of each other, making someone seem annoying or less meaningful to you, that's a problem. Satan likes to erect invisible barriers between us, not that we all walk around having major issues with each other, but so that we THINK we all have issues among us, and this prevents us from working together as a unit.
I also think that it is essential to be prepared. By this I mean, have cash or gift cards on hand as ofter as possible. How easy is it to say "I can't help that homeless guy because I don't carry cash" Oh well.
That isn't necessarily right, is it? Just because it isn't our habit to carry cash doesn't mean we can pull some out of the ATM and have it for just those moments, because lets fact it, needy people are everywhere. And you just might notice them more if you have the tools to help them.
So I am being told by my children's crying that they are ready to do something fun and get out of the house, so thats all I can muster for today, but I hope it gives someone besides me a little food for thought.
Tavi
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