As a child, it was my way of beginning to understand how to establish a relationship with our Lord, and let's face it, it's pretty fun to get to pray for Nana and Papa and ALL the stuffed animals by name every night.
As I grew, I would like to think that my understanding of prayer grew, but now that I am way, WAY older than that teenage version of myself (thank goodness!), I can see that I wasn't so advanced and spiritual as I thought. Yes, the things that I prayed for changed. Many times I wasn't even praying for something, but simply crying out and expressing my teenage angst to Him, (and believe me, I had PLENTY) because no one else understood. Pretty soon, that teenage angst turned into 20-something angst, and couldn't really even be considered angst anymore; it had just reached the point of plain old confusing bitterness for unspoken words, for things I thought people should have done differently. You know. THAT junk. That was still prayer, and very therapeutic for me, but how much was I glorifying God through my prayers? If I had to guess, I would say not very much.
Well, I have had a new realization, and I am starting to view prayer differently, yet again. We live in a very "spiritual" society, which, frankly, drives me nuts. I hear a lot of, " I don't need to go to church, I'm spiritual on my own". We are all spiritual beings. The most hardened killer on the face of the planet is a spiritual being. It is how we cultivate and use our spirits that matters.
I used to base my prayer life on how I felt. Do I feel the Holy Spirit moving in me to pray something in particular today? That strategy is great if you live in a spa where some one cooks you 3 square meals a day and gives you Swedish massages every couple of hours.
Now that I have more going on in my life than I can even detail here, and I'm tired not just once a week but every day, I am starting to realize that prayer isn't a feeling of gratitude. Or sorrow. Or loneliness. Because
Now I wish I could say that I had this down to a science. Somedays I say a prayer, and some days I pray. There is a difference. While it is important to pray daily, I can't say that every single day I pour myself out to God. Somedays I don't feel like enough has even happened for me to talk to God about, much less pour out my soul to Him. On those days, I may say The Lord's Prayer, or just a generic "Dear Jesus" sort of prayer, and that's fine. But I think that on those days, those prayers are more for ME, to make ME feel better that I had prayed that day. God wants our passion everyday. How much passion do you think He feels from us when we just say our daily, "the same everyday" prayers? How glorified do you think He feels by those prayers?
How do we make powerful prayer happen?
I do think that there are many tools that we can use to discipline ourselves to pray in a more meaningful way. Not growing up Catholic, I wasn't aware of what a Rosary was, or if I did, I probably thought they were evil, magic beads. However, I am finding them an extremely effective way of disciplining my prayer life right now. On the many days that I don't "feel" like praying, I can start with a Rosary; it's repetitive, it's tactile, it allows me to enter a prayerful mindset without having to even think of a prayer at all. After 20-30 minutes of that (because for those of you non-Catholics, yes, it does really take that long to get all the way around the Rosary. Whew!), my mind is no longer racing or distracted; it has been tamed enough to where I can just open my mouth and allow the words to flow out that need to. Because I took the time to discipline myself by praying a Rosary (more for my benefit), I was able to pray a meaningful and purposeful prayer afterward (more for God's benefit)
Here is what I am starting to realize about myself. I used prayer as an inward tool for so long, I didn't even know there was another, better, more fulfilling option. Examining your inner self with prayer is good and necessary, and crying out to God in the good times and bad allows you to foster that relationship with Him that we so desperately desire. However, if the point of prayer is to commune with God, isn't it likely that eventually we will start to become more like Him? And if this is the case, should we not be using prayer as an outward tool as a result of that? Should we not be trying to think of better ways to serve each other and those needy around us every day? I suppose I should clarify that this group doesn't just include our friends and family- we are called to be a shoulder to cry on for that co-worker at work, or a meal-ticket for that person on the corner that may or may not really be hungry but who are we to judge? It won't kill you to give them a Sonic gift card- there's no way they can buy beer with that!
It's amazing how much better I feel when I pray for others instead of just myself; it's God's way of reminding us that without Him we are nothing. That's why many times we feel so miserable about ourselves, because we are seeing ourselves without Christ. If redemption is a life-long process, and some days we choose not to seek God, of course we are going to hate ourselves during those times. We are NOTHING without Him. During those times that we are hating on ourselves, if we just pray for those around us, it takes the focus off how miserable we are, and how much we dislike ourselves, and before you know it God is filling you with his joy again because we did what we were supposed to do in the first place: take care of each other like He has told us to.
Prayer is for us in the beginning, but if we really discipline ourselves to not just pray, but pray meaningfully everyday, God will start using our prayers in ways we could never imagine.
