A dent in my car, a chink in my armor

For as long as I can remember, I would begin to feel un-easy when everything started going smoothly in my life. Not a "something bad is bound to happen" sort of uneasy, but more like a "I don't like the kind of person this false sense of sense of security is turning me into" sort of uneasy. Let me explain. Like anyone, I have smooth patches and rough patches in my life,  but due to my unreasonably high expectations of what "smooth patches" should look like, I was setting myself up for disappointment.

My husband and I purchased a brand new vehicle last year. It was so pretty and perfect. Caramel Bronze Pearl. A few months ago, we got a couple of ugly dimples in one of the doors. Really, considering some of the hail we have driven through, its surprising that is all the damage we have incurred thus far. But I digress, my perfect car was still, in fact, a very pretty one (from one side) and a very reliable vehicle, but all I can see are those dimples. My eye goes straight to them every time I find my car in the parking lot. I imagine all the other moms in their pristine SUV's driving by and judging me. Yes, I know how I sound. I think that part of this is due to the way I was raised. There were 4 kids and not alot of money, so if we couldn't be rich, we were going to take upmost care of our belongings so that we could at least keep up the appearance of having nice, new things. Years later, I have realized that this mindset led to quite an unhealthy emphasis placed on material things. Perfect, pristine, material things. So I am stuck with this mind-set that allows me to understand that money doesn't buy happiness, but ironically also tells me I can't be happy unless I attain perfection in maintaing my possessions, my home, my children, the list goes on. Obviously, maintaining the appearance of perfection in one's life is difficult, if not impossible. But, boy, do I try. No wonder I'm tired.

Pope Francis has talked about avoiding the "latest and greatest" toys and purposefully avoiding allowing yourself to fall into that false sense of "perfection" or stability. There is nothing wrong with having an IPhone 5 or a new car. But if you notice your possessions lulling you into a false sense of security or perfection in  your life, you will never be happy because there will always be something newer and better. You may find yourself day-dreaming and wasting your thoughts on planning what you can buy next, or if you're like me, planning your next wardrobe. You may very likely also be missing out on that still, quiet voice of the Holy Spirit that could be prompting you to do his work, because thoughts of having your ducks in a row and appearing perfect will be dominating your mind, not the thoughts of the Spirit.

So for now, I'm thinking it's not such a bad idea to leave those dimples in my car. My life is incredibly full and blessed, and while I think I have reason to complain about those dents in my door, I think that leaving them there is just preventing me from getting distracted by one or two new, minor issues. Maybe it's better to buy your IPhone one generation behind the newest, just so that every time you look at it, you know it's nice, but you are also aware that you made a conscious effort to not allow your possessions to dictate who you are. Having a tangible reminder of this concept is actually pretty handy, now that I think about it. I see it everyday when I put my kids in the car. A dent in my car, a chink in my armor. A reminder to always seek Christ and you will always find Him.

Note: I am in no way referring to my hubby, who finally got an IPhone 5 this weekend! He had patiently waited for a new phone for years and until 2 days ago was still using a 3GS. Yay hubby! You work hard and you deserve that IPhone 5! Just don't tell Pope Francis. :D